i do it because it makes me feel powerful. no one can get me when i have it. i have always been terrified to fail, and on it i never do. the only time i fail is when i come down, and then i just drink myself into an oblivion, so that i pass out and don't feel the bad part of the cycle. i drink a bottle of wine by myself, and then i go get it. i have stayed up all night, doing line after line on my own this evening. i searched the internet for a number, for someone to call, just craving a voice to tell me i will be ok, that this too shall pass, that things will change. i am an addict. it snuck up on me, somewhere within my belief that i had control, that it was simply social, that i could stop it. i have never tackled my fear of showing who i really am, of throwing the real me out there, cause i was so scared of being shot down. i hid behind the booze and the drugs. yeah im scared that i have become this, but i am mostly scared that i now have to face the world as the real me: i don't even know who the hell that is. i cannot believe that this is what has become of me.
Posts You May Be Interested In
I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...