today is one of those days..im so down with whats going on with my boyfriend..his addiction has led him to rack up charges all STUPID but thats what active addicts do best STUPID..if he's lucky he may get out 4 or 5 yrs ..hes still in denial but last night he did say he needed to get into treatment he says its gotten bad...i helped him move away 2 wks ago today he said he was going to get it together back home...now hes telling me this...its just dragging me down inside..i've tried to tell him its over but then he was crying so bad i changed my mind but i feel i want a life ..i deserve to be happy with someone ..i dont want to spend my life waiting on him 2 get it together..i dont want to feel im with someone alone kinda thing..i've made it to the senior class and want to share my joy and acomplishments,fears,etc..but he doesnt want to talk about those things seeing all thats going on with him..so it just steals my joy so to speak...all i do lately is pray for the situation..hope he gets help he needs and i dont breakdown in tears like i have every other day now....why he chose to go back to drugs astounds me he was so agianst it ..he had pulled out of that cycle then b4 i knew it he was a sinking ship ..i wish a lot of things 2 be different..but those are just wishes ..i cant help him i know..im just trying not to abandon him because i do care what happens..just need to get this out it eating at me lately..thanks 4 letting me vent.
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