that you thought of using, not even craveing , i have been there in the last few months, i will spare the details, but i sat and thought about using one day, then i thought about the end result, the pain, the remorse, the monkey back on my back, and i conciously decided that would make my very sad feelings go away for about a few seconds at a time, then come back with a whole other set of problems and saddness added on. but it is people, who drove me to these thoughts, people being cruel and injust. does anyone every have that happen? i have been clean for 13 years, i got clean when i was one month preganant. my mom died,my ex left me, i never had a moment to grieve, so now, i have moments where i want to greive,but still i don't know where to begin, then there is just the plan cruelity of people that brought that crazy ass idea in my head, that and the realization that my family has been lieing to me, for years, about sexual abuse, ages, of the predator and the age of me, as the "victum" another painful accusation. how can you be accused of playing the victum at 6, i mean, i am not a victum now, but i was, and it still hurts, i think it is what started me on my road to addiction, the pain, of being abused.so my question is, has anyone ever just sat and thought about that as a choice to escape your painful day? then been able to make the concious choice of, no, again, without craveings the drug. how crazy is that, to think about using when you are not even craveing.like putting a loaded pistol to your head when your not that down.
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