I've came through here before but didn't register but now that I am in the process of kicking it, even though it's hard as hell, I have had a couple people that if I wanted to get it anytime, I could so what I decided to do was erase those numbers.

Since my memory is pretty bad, I don't have to worry about remembering the numbers to call and get it.

The problem now is that I have to contain myself from having the urge of needing it. Even though I know if I try hard enough, I can get it.

But I also have to stay away from the people that do it and doesn't help the situation out. It's mostly only when I start drinking that I feel I have the need to want it, just to have that feeling but I'm getting older and the shit has caught up and even though I've had nights where I thought I did so much, I was going to die, I still pressed on.

I'm sure people lived closed to the edge but I was damn near feeling like I know I'm going to fall off if I don't quit it.

Sooo with that in mind, I'm also looking at how much money have I wasted on getting it, what I could've done. I'm sure some on here have thought that but craving is a bitch and it sure doesn't help when you have friends not speaking out.

As time goes on, friends come and some stay, it's just up to us which ones we should choose.

I feel that everyone should help someone out but you know you can only try help out someone for so long before they have to do it themselves and if they don't then they could never escape that misery...