It is slip! It does not have to be a relapse! What lead you to using again?
Sherose

Just a rough week,stuck in with kids.Messed up about havin a dealer BF danny's CP, oh and the biggest thing put on nearly a stone since i stopped using. x

mhhhhhhmmmmmmmm, I hear you about the putting on weight thing.
I keep saying the link to using and ED is a deffinate. I am sorry this happened. It is just a slip though right? I mean you do not have to turn it into an all or nothing! Are you clean now and going through the healing (feeling like crap process) after the slip? Because you know this will pass....
((((((Manda)))))
Sherose

manda,
please tell me how is the high. Is it what you thought it would be? Is it bringing the relief and pleasure that you expected? Is it pleasurable in a sense of "forbidden fruit"? Any plans to do something special, like go to a show or be with someone you like. Or is it a solitary exploration of self? Does it feel casual or is it unusual? Did you get lots? Are you sharing it or is it all for you only? Are you listening to music or is it quiet in the house? Were you drinking when you decided to 'get some'? Are you smoking cigarettes right now? What did you have to eat today? How long ago? Will you stay up all night and into tomorrow? What's the weather like, outside? Do you feel better right now? How does it feel writing to DS while using? Let me say that you are very helpful to so many people here and regardless of whether you use or not, you are our 'manda' and we love you! Your using or not makes NO difference. Thanks for sharing, always!

Honestly, The high is crap,it's a guilty paranoid high.Bought 2 G done just over a G and stopped chasin the high i aint gonna get.Have to sleep cos got kids tomorrow and i know it's wrong but i'll have a joint to put me to sleep. I'm on my own and hate myself right now. TV on low in background but fairly silent in here.Weather crap and eaten nothing today. Thanks for your kind comments.Don't wanna bring anyone down on this site by posting while using and tempt anyone, just needed advice. x

mmmmmmmmMANDA!
~>thankyou, ThankYou, THANK YOU for your spry reply! Hey, what's this about 'bringing anyone down'? You couldn't bring anyone down EVEN IF YOU TRIED! And as far as 'hating yourself', WTF? Then you must be the only one that hates you, cuz EVERYBODY ELSE in the whole wide UniVerSe LOVES YOU LOTS! So. Are you telling all your bazillions of admirers that we are all wrong? NoWaY we wrong, OH NO! Finally, have you seen a picture of yourself lately? I just tuned into your site and was AMAZED~!~ Can you say DROP DEAD GORGEOUS?!? Well, I can!!! Golly Gee WoWie Whillikers! I wish I was the cocaine that you are with right now, oh my... Please send my love to Sooty. What a looker, too!

Bringing me down???????????????Heck no!
Sharing is caring, also MiMoMo indeed looks count for something however.....this can add to the confusion of a Woman's recovery re discovery...it has nothing to do with healing from addiction and personally have found that because of many compliments from men in my passed and whistles etc....all added to the confusion of my using added to my and eating disorders as well!
I just had to add that...
Manda..........thank you indeed for sharing and caring.
Sherose

""Is it ever possible to beat the need for the high of cocaine?""

Beat the need? So. Your need needs a beating, does it? That's just silly. It's natural to want to step outside of ourselves for a moment and get another view, a fresh perspective unchained from mortal ties. How we do that is the rub. While some rather the charlie, others ride the horse, lots love liquor, plenty prefer puffing. What the heck? Mix it all up in a giant punch bowl and ladle out a scoop, as needed. Whoops, did I say the word 'need' just now, again?

Manda, you remind me of a story I read where this spiritual healer, a religious monk, some wise saint of sorts, well anyway... They gave this super guru such a huge dosage of cocaine that would have made a whole herd of elephants tweak the light fantastic. Watching closely for the results of this 'experiment', the administrators were disappointed, not seeing any change in the monk's behavior, at all. Even after additional boots to up the ante, still not a stir in the wise one's demeanor. Puzzled at the lack of effect, the scientists finally asked the elder, "What the Who!?!" The wise one smiled lovingly and replied kindly, "My dear child, I can create this feeling within me at any time I want, without the outside use of any foreign drug. We all have the means to summon up whatever feeling we wish, at any time. By exercising these mental muscles, we can put ourselves in any mood we chose and so transform our world".

I'm no expert, but I can practice acting out feeling tweeked, stoned or drunk and get pretty good at it. Sometimes I've been known to step outside and spin, spin around really fast and for as long as I can. And then try to walk... Pure whiskey, without all the bother!

You really helped me alot tonight, Miss manda. And I don't have to work on imagining that at all. That's 100%, the real deal!

Ty for the comment fillip.

Here's a site that offers a simple slip/relapse prevention plan workbook that seems useful. Although aimed at eating disorders, the questions posed apply equally as well to any problems:

http://www.mirror-mirror.org/relplan.htm

The question I've always tried to ask myself is, "What exactly would I be doing if I WAS NOT using right now?" Also, what would I have done during all that time that I had used during all of my life? Seems like a weird question that doesn't make much sense, but it carries alot of meaning, really. Just the very effort that it takes to try and precisely answer that question honestly is quite revealing.

GoodNight & GoodTidings!

That site you offered is alot like the S.M.A.R.T recovery method
Stands for self management and recovery training
mentions listing the pros and cons of using the pros and cons of not using
www.smartrecovery.org It is a scientific alternative for people seeking independence from addictive behaviors including alcohol and other drugs and gambling and food addictions....I went to those meetings while in treatment. I found in a useful addition to my other methods as well.
"Open minds, find the keys to unlocking that which needs to be human"
Sherose

Gaining a stone or a mountain is well worth the freedom from the demon. I am clean in exchange I gave up my once barbie thin body for a nice round thick marilyn manrow one. I'm healthier and rounder...so what. NOTE: Thick is in these days...gain it and flaunt it sweetheart. Your beautiful inside is what counts.

"one is too many and a thousand is never enough." If you've been in the rooms of NA or AA I'm sure you've heard this. Addiction to substance is only a symptom of our disease. To me I could never do just one line/pill or have one drink! But everyone is different. Play the tape forward! Good luck!
A