i havent used cocaine for 4 months. im proud of myself but the only reason i'm clean is because im pregnant. It hasnt been too hard to stay clean because my boyfriend wont bring coke around knowing that im pregnant but its just caused him to get back into heroine. He knows i wont use that because i'm on methadone. I still have dreams i'm getting high quite alot though and wake up craving it so bad. its sad because its almost like i know once i have the baby i'll begin to use again. I hope by that time i will have enough clean time in that i will be able to stay away from it but i just know how i am and how my boyfriend is. He will get some and say its only this once and i have no ability to say no when its in front of me and it will only be a matter of time until its back to the way it was. I dont know which is worse though, since i hate him using heroine all the time. He gets really mean and violent. I think I could stay clean if it was just me but i dont see him ever being clean. It just seems like there is no answer.
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