feelin like crap. prob partially cuz i messed up and got high, but feelin that in between f(*&*^d up and straight feeling where I'm on the verge of feeling really depressed. Doesn't help that I slept til 3 today. Was so mad at myself. Was supposed to get work done on my car at ten but didn't get up. I'll be able to get it done tomorrow still, but such a little thing felt like such a huge failure, yk? And I had somewhere to be at 6 so by the time I was actually awake it was too late to go to the gym (which I also happpen to be obsessive about) so I felt like crap about that too. Swore to myself last night that just becuase I was gonna get high didn't mean I'd have to be up all night and then sleep all day. well suddenly, it was 4am. Oh yeah, btw, I know I wrote it in my journal, but not sure I posted it here or not, but yeah sober day #1 turned into sober day#0. don't feel too proud of myself, but don't feel that horrible about it either actually, cuz I know yeah I made a mistake, and I know I'm gonna finish what I have, but then after that I start over being clean again. try try again, yk? just feeling really lonely I guess. and kinda useless. i'm out of work right now so i have pretty much nothing to do, and as I have no social life, i'm pretty much by myself all the time. havin an effin blast. (Sarcasm) Feel bad disappointing everyone who was telling me how good I was doing and all that. I guess I shouldn't, but that is one thing that helps about this site, I feel like I have someone to answer to, cuz its really just me here all on my own, and that helps me hold back. ugh. tired of dealing with shit
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