im not sure why im posting but i thought it was useful to share. well im back in wales, i had a bit of a binge as soon as i got back and i was a bit annoyed but my head is clear again now. while i was up north i went to some AA meetings and ive been a little unsure whether to go to them in wales. i decided to try them where my mum lives coz i felt uncomfortable doing it in my home town, its a small place. though they werent what i expected, people were welcoming supportive really really lovely, i felt this 12 step approach a bit overwhelming, and maybe the thought of living life sober scarey, as ive been home thoughts have gone through my head of maybe im not ready, perhaps theres still all that fear coz it seems i would have to change alot of my life which is very much who i am, and i would be lost with out some of these things like my fire performing, but in a club, rave party scene, its hard work, someone said i wouldnt be interested in that kinda thing anymore living sober, but i dont wanna loose that, thats me, if that makes sense? so i find it all a bit too much, im just doubtful over this approach for me i think, i definatly respect it, but i have heard people speak about the 12 steps so systematically, and with it being so easy but its not easy because we complicate things? it all boggles my mind. this is all bit of a ramble, but i dont want to have come back to wales and forget i just went to some meetings and that i actually care about what happens in my life, i mean i admittdly find it easier to fall back into my old routine, but i just feel new starts are needed but a bit of motivation and inner strength is much needed at this point i just hope i can find it somewhere. i dunno what everyone elses view one the 12 step approach is im guessing many are quite pro this which why not! i just think any approach or text has an interpretation, maybe i need to find my interpretation? or is that just more confusing hmmmmmmmmmmm i think prob less yapping more action, i know the one thing that holds me back from all this is the people i love are people who use.
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