Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb.
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon.

Mary had a little skirt
With splits right up the sides
And everywhere that Mary went
The boys could see her thighs.
Mary had another skirt
â??twas split right up the front
..But she didnâ??t wear that one often.



Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
He made a pass
And grabbed her ass
Now, two teeth are missing.

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man,
â??What have you got there?â??
Said the pie man unto Simon,
â??Pies, you dumb assâ??

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kingsâ?? horses,
And all the kingsâ?? men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again..

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.

Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock..
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.

Itâ??s Raining, Itâ??s Pouring.
Oh shit, itâ??s Global Warming.

Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too â??cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad��..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.