My boss sent home from work today because of my pain. Or, more accurately, my inability to mask my pain level. It's been off the charts lately and it shows on my face. I was practically in tears after making the long climb down the hill to my office, and a few of my colleagues noticed and said something to my boss. I was supposed to go represent my agency at a state-level meeting today, but was told that I was "in no condition" to make the trip, and to go home and rest. Two of the women at the office drove me and my car home, because they and my boss were worried I was too disoriented from the pain to drive safely.
The sad thing is they're not wrong. I feel scared that my pain is making it impossible for me to do my job. The pain is making it hard to think straight. I'm so embarrassed. I prepped for this meeting for weeks, and missing out is going to put me behind schedule. Getting called out on my appearance makes me feel so unprofessional.
I called my PCP's office and am scheduled for the next available appointment, on the 20th. I don't know to cope with this level of pain until then. I asked to speak with a nurse, and explained what was happening. She made it clear they would not fill any prescriptions until I was seen on the 20th, but said she'd speak with the doctor call back.
Having a pretty terrible couple of days.. I found out my results from my neuropsych eval and turns out I'm suffering from a traumatic brain injury. They said it's mild which is good but the parts of my brain that are damaged are cognitive, emotional, and interpersonal. So things like memory, planning, attention, emotional reaction and control have all been affected. At first it felt like I was...
So I’m sure I’ll figure it out but the previous nights sleep was unsettled of too hot too cold sessions. Then today anxiety and feelings of such despair as well as last words in my head. Wondering how long this period will continue. I suppose I’ll just crawl off and fall asleep with hope to not awaken at all tonight. I should eat but really why bother, I’ve fed son and he has had his meds...