Waited through hell. Was told to keep waiting. PCP wouldn’t refer for counseling or pain management; said they “weren’t indicated at this time.” He started me on yet another round of high-dose prednisone. 3rd burst since July; none of the prior rounds helped the hip pain. Said he couldn’t consult with my rheum to start treatment any earlier, and I should wait for my appointment at the end of February.
I’m done trying to fight. Medicaid requires PCP referral to see any specialists, and he won’t do it. I’m getting my affairs in order and I’m done. There’s no hope of getting myself stable enough in the short term to make any long term plans. Not planning to hurt myself, but I’m done begging for help with the basic things I need to stay alive.
imhavs A reallybbad night a d i cantvtakeif anymore i can’t do it i soo alone myhead us screMjng at me andtgeh wont stop. itnever stop
I’m so not okay. Mon and Tues were not so bad. But today I am really down. Made it to the pool. Splashed around a bit. Did a few exuberant jumps for my inner child. Joy just happens in the pool. Even on the worst days. Not always. But today. The water is blue and when I’m floating, I don’t feel so heavy.Would like to marry a mermaid and be even. In the ocean. With the fish.