Oh Sweetie,

I wish that I could be there to wrap you in my arms and comfort you..... As you know, I have been in a very dark place for a few months now, I am still there and I could be on borrow time, the only way that I have been able to deal with my own issues is getting involved on others lives.
I come here and I give support to all of those members that truly need it, and get involved in the silliness of flogging, etc.

In my life I volunteer my time with a local ASO (AIDS Service Organization). I answer their phones, send out mailings and sometimes do their meals on wheels for those patients that are home bound and too sick to go get food themselves. Those things have kept my mind out of my own issues, and it gives me a sense of purpose
I know that you have children, and that children can not allow you to do much, but try to get a bit of "me time". Any way that your hubby, Mom, sister, etc. can take the little one for two hours each week so you can do something for you, something that will make you happy and that will have nothing to do with Doctor's. hospitals., or illnesses, it has to be just for you! Window shopping at the mall, going to a museum, the library, something!

Until you get a firm diagnosis you are going to have zillions of questions, and you are going to speculate with different illnesses and conditions. I hope in God that this is not ALS, because I know that disease WAY to well. But whatever it is, there is a man or woman up in heaven that is watching over you, and is and will take care of you no matter what! I believe that we all have a purpose in this World, we all come with a mission to accomplish while we are in the World, mine for obvious reasons was to become a social worker and help those that want help, and to be honest to a fault! Yours, you only know.......... I can guess, but I think that is better if you decipher it on your own.

Honey, whatever it is that is ailing you, you will always have the love of your kids, your spouse, your family and of course us! We will walk your walk, and hold your hand, remember we are here to support you, and we will, that I can promise!

Remember, today is a gift, tomorrow is not certain, and life is too short to not enjoy it....... Love you!

Millie

Please listen to EVETYTHING Tipper has said to you . You have been through and are still going through so much. The waiting and not knowing is draining you. Years ago I was being tested for a brain tumor( before MRI's) and they told it would be 48 to 72 hrs before I would get the results. I just had my third baby ( yes three under the age of two for a short while) it seam to be the longest time of my life, all the what ifs, all the uncertainities. So, I can only imagine what all has ran through your head and how long all this has been going on. Please try as hard as you can to get out of the house, go to lunch, go to a park and have lunch anything to get your mind off of things. I know it's only an hour or two but it will help you.......Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers

Rayfoof, huge, huge and soft hugs to you!

OK...no one can fully understand where you are at but, many of us have a good idea about the "crisis mode" that you are in.

I have so much empathy for you and your family right now dealing with this medical crisis.

I would strongly recommend that you continue to seek your counseling and I urge family counseling. Your husband and your older son especially are probably feeling anger, frustration, helplessness and more---just like you are feeling.

When I was a hospital social worker...many of our families going through medical crisis were able to work with one of the clinicians (master social workers). I had to tell a family one time that their loved one had died in the ER...it was no fun, but it was an immediate forum for a family to experience their pain, anger, anguish and shock. Hospital social workers often have counseling sessions specifically related to people who experience medical crisis like you are going through...it might behoove you to call your local hospital and see if there are some services available for public needed support groups.

It must be very difficult to have so many unanswered questions...and unfortunately, you will have to wait for the answers from the MD's.

Just know this ... we are here for you along each step of the way.

HUGS my friend.

Rayfoof,

Please do NOT give yourself fits of worry by assuming ALS or other diseases!

Many people, including myself, have severe muscle spasticity and no ALS. Spastic muscles are very common. Why? Because if you have arthritis, bone spurs, etc... it can aggravate the nerves which then send signals to the muscles to contract into spasms. Stress can also send the same signals to muscles.

But--- you had a "clean" MRI! Yes, and MRIs don't indicate pain. Most people have abnormalities that show up on MRIs and they feel no pain. Others have pain and clean MRIs! Imaging techniques are seen as the "gold standard" by our tech-loving society. But many things do NOT show on MRIs.

This is why there is no substitute for an old fashioned doc that makes you take your clothes off and palpates every joint in your back one-by-one. (I am very bashful but I survived.) When my pain doc spent 3 hrs poking his very big fingers into my tiny facet joints, from the top of my neck to the bottom of my butt, I realized that the sources of the pain where not necessarily where I felt it. He made a chart of EXACTLY where the pain really originated. It did not correspond to the MRI! He and I felt which joints were blown out and deformed and I even had a few "perfect" ones among the wreckage. Some things were no longer connected, like my collar bone and my arms keep popping out of their sockets. I am hyper-mobile which came in handy for ballet dancing, figure skating and yoga, but is a cause of my pain and structural instability. I also have 14 ribs, 2 extra full "cervical ribs" coming out of C-7. It was 36 yrs before someone noticed that...

My doc asked me, "Do you know why those other docs never could figure out where your pain was coming from?" I said, "No..." and he said, "Because they never took the time to really LOOK and test each and every joint." Make sense?

You probably have "garden variety" osteoarthritis, most people do. Unless told otherwise, please stop freaking yourself out. Even if you do have ALS, which is highly unlikely, you will deal with it. Have faith in yourself!

thanks you guys, i'm feeling a bit better today. i need to find a hobby that i can still do and i think getting outta the house would be a great idea.

i get frusterated because usually i know whats wrong with me before the docs do but this is just too complicated for me. this is too comlpicated for most docs

distractions will serve me well for now.

thank you all for your kind words

big hugs sweetie rember i have pstd really bad if you need to talk im me .hugs minnie

Ray
Please don't get yourself down with the ""What if's"" They can get you every time! We play that "" what if "" game with ourselves and all it will do is drive us crazy, it is unproductive, and actually it can be very destructive to our well being!!. So please do not let yourself fall for that game! Untill you and your Doctor find out what it is that is causing your problems, do not try to second guess the diagnosis, it will do you no good anyway! A hobby might be a good idea to distract you, and occupy your mind. Coming here is also a great thing to do. We are all here for you, and just know that you are not alone!
I do wish you all the best..........White Beard

Rayfoof,

I know how to get worry about every little thing, trust me! Hobbies and distractions help! Do you like baking? Do some baking and sell it for extra $$! What about crafts? Anything that you like to do, or that will love to learn? Some crafts stores have free classes, so that might be a way to learn something fun!
Also some community college's have cheap classes like; poetry, baking, tango, salsa, pottery, etc., that might be good for you! Hun, you need some me time........... I used to do the same thing when I first lost my job, and then I decided to change, go for it, you might love it! Lots of hugs!