I at the moment am in hospital after undergoing major surgery,sadly it hasen,t helped my pain! in fact i,m on a pik pump! the pain is so bad i got hold of a blade and i,ve cut all my top leg! i know it was stupid, but this pain is never ending,it literally drives me crazy,i know there are alotta people worse off than me but it,s a kinda relief for me when it gets too much,i know i need help but as soon as i tell a doc or nurse i get "the look" as if there saying "oh your an attention seeker" they couldn,t be futher from the truth! it,s my pain and if they stopped and thought for a minute then maybe they,d understand,but no i,m refered straight to the shrink who already knows what,s going on,so thats a waste of time! the sad thing is, i was told by my pain doc that i could have a pain pump! then i,m told they can,t fit one here that i,d have to go to london, so i said yes then i,m told the hospital in london no longer do them,so now i,m waiting to hear from a doc in essex in the hope they can finally put the pump in and instead of clock watching for my next dose of pain medication i,d already have a steady amount of morphine going into my body,i,ve also met someone who has one of these pump,s yet i can,t have one! how long do i have to go before i just take away this pain for good? i can,t understand why they can,t treat me here why should i have to go to a strange hospital? i really need help now before i take my life i seriously cannot put up with much more,i,m also going home on wednesday,i know when i,m home i,ll start cutting again i just dunno what else i can do
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