Oh yes. I keep pushing myself and manage to keep on top of things most times. But then, for me, it will be something someone says or does that just hits a nerve (so to speak) and I will fall into a heap of jello. Sometimes this will last for a short while but can last for days or even weeks. then I feel that sorrow. That I can't do this or that any more... But pushing it inside is something I am trying to learn not to do. I will journal when I am feeling like that. Usually on here for my friends so that they know how I am feeling and why I am not talking to them as much as I do. They support me and help me through those times and that has been so helpful and so appreciated (thanks guys, you know who you are). Hope that we can help you too. Just ask and there is usually someone around somewhere in the world who will be there to support you.
We are here for you OK? You are NOT alone.

Yep I do the same. I am still trying to work and I feel it in all the things that I can't do. I am anxious about the holidays because I may need some days off after my holidays for sick days. I am considering going to a counselor to help me address these issues.
Good luck! And if it is support you are wanting from someone in the same boat as you, Hi there, my name is Linda , pleasure to meet you!

At first I think there was denial that things were so bad.I tried to keep working until it was just impossible to continue.Then there was guilt because I wasn't able to hold down my job.With that came financial problems,which coupled with the chronic pain led to depression.Then there was grief because I'd never be the person I had been.Anger because my life was so difficult now.Finally I've accepted it,but it was a long time in coming.I had to see that there is still a purpose for my life,and that as difficult as things are there are many positives still.Having supportive people around you helps so much.

Hi blue...I think everything has a process. Chronic pain is no different. I too had to grieve those things that I could no longer do, to get me more aware and focused on what I could do. It also helps me to appreciate all that is still available for me and it helps me keep my balance. We have limits, but that does not mean that the little things don't count.

It's okay ((((blue)))) we do feel the sadness and some days are better than others hun. We grieve our losses and then we do our very best to go forward. What I am trying to say is our BABY STEPS do count.
((hugs))
EllaBlue

Yes it is definately a grieving we go through from loss of things we can no longer do. It does help to journal and don't push yourself to hard. be kind to you marilyn

Thank you all so much for your responses. For so many years I've been so alone in facing chronic pain, I've carried it (dealing with chronic pain) all by myself. It is such a huge weight off my shoulders and is so ammazing to me to read that others are facing this to. Thank you all so much.

Mourning the Lose Of Your Old Life

Unless you were born with the physical problems you have now, you were once an active member of society. The kind of friend people liked to have, a co-worker people respected. Perhaps you were once the spouse and parent that led the ideal type of life. Then one day you felt an ache, a twinge, or a massive injury occurred. If you are like me, you felt that ache; it went away fairly quickly after a hot bath and a few Tylenol. Remember those days? Then the ache came back rather quickly the next time and did not go away as fast. Soon it was becoming a real problem and you went to see the doctor. Tests were ordered, slowly a diagnosis took shape. My step father used to say you are not sick, until the doctor tells you whats wrong Now you have a diagnosis, you have a real problem.

So you have your diagnosis and back to your happy life you go. You do all the things you used to, but now ever so slowly you miss a day from work here, you cant make the kids dinner there. Financially things are getting scary, either you carry the insurance and are going to lose it, or you lose your income. Your normal life is beginning to slip away from you.

You are now home fulltime, cant work anymore. You are fighting with or have fought with workers compensation or social security. Out of money, and without adult conversation to stimulate your brain. You are beginning to feel sorry for yourself. Relationships with friends and family now are beginning to change. The pain is beginning to keep you from going out with friends, you say no to dinner and a movie once too often and the invitations stop coming.

Your relationship with the opposite sex whether you are married or not begins to suffer. Sex hurts, so you dont have it as much. Your partner says they dont mind, but you dont believe them. They begin to ask less often and you begin to worry about that. Time with your children begins to suffer, instead of reading to them in their bed; they come to your bed for the story. The family breakfast is fast becoming less important and cereal is the new staple of the kids morning. Making them lunch for school is also a thing of the past.

Making matters worse your pain levels are escalating as your medical condition changes. You have to shop for a doctor who will give you the meds you need just to get through the day. You begin to worry that friends and family will think you are a drug seeker. You hear statements like you are on that, isnt that what they give heroin addicts? or my favorite isnt that the stuff that people are stealing from pharmacies?

It wasnt easy for me; I never wanted to admit that living the rest of my life with chronic pain was all there is. That living on a fixed income at 42 was what I now had to do. Was that it? Did I peak financially and physically? Are my best days now behind me, and not in front? What happened to fifty being the new forty? What happened to the trips I wanted to take with my wife when the kids leave home? Every day my body fought with me, my mind fought with me, I felt a failure.

There are very special people in this world; we all have one or two. A family member who doesnt look down on you and supports whatever you have to do to feel better. A spouse maybe who believes in the in sickness, and in health part of their vows. A child, who loves you unconditionally. Now trust this next statement; your children love you, they will miss out or have missed out on things because you are suffering chronic pain. They get past it, always. They begin to appreciate what you could do for them more than the kid down the street whose dad is physically fine but has a 12 pack strapped to his belly and his ass strapped to the couch on weekends.

So now you are seeing what life is like and you are not happy with it. The key now is to find comfort in small doses. Do little things for yourself, so someone else has to. Do things like cooking together, one chop the other cooks it. Go to a movie with the kids. Cant afford it, rent a movie and make popcorn, take them to the park. Museums are a cheap way to entertain and teach the kids. If you are on your own, volunteer at the senior center, take a class at the community school. Find peace and fulfillment in small doses. Broad strokes are not possible for us. Fine strokes are just right.

So you have been going through this new life for awhile, you found internet support groups. For some reason you dont write about your pain. You dont share the pain and difficult times with others. Youre feeling guilty or were taught not to complain about things. You have read the posts on these support sites, so many people who have it worse than I do. How can I complain? Sometimes just opening up, helps. If you cant write it down, start a journal. Write to it everyday, even if nothing happened that day. In our world nothing happening is a great thing.

Ouch

OMG Ouch.....this reply made me cry. You nailed it perfectly from beginning to end and God bless you for it.

sure, with chronic pain I have had to grieve alot of losses, loss of who I use to be, loss of a sense of belonging, loss of career, loss of friends, just one loss after the other and it all relates to chronic pain. Let's not even mention the financial or property loss. We had some very good post in here in the past concerning greiving loss, and acceptance versus giving up.

YES I UNDERSTAND I HIDE THE FACT TO MY FAMILY,I DONT WANT THEM TO EVEN KNOW HOW I FEEL LIKE,SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE IS WORTHLESS,I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS TOLD I WAS A CHRONIC PAIN PATIENT I GOT MAD AND TOLD THEM THEY WERE DUMMIES,BUT THEY WERE RIGHT.I HAVE TO THINK ABOUT HOW TO DO A JOB WITHOUT HURTING MYSELF ANYMORE AND IT SUCKS.I HAVE TO SIT DOWN WHEN I PLAY A GIG BECAUSE THE WEIGHT OF MY BASS GUITAR,AND BASS IS THE WAY YOU SPELL IT HA HA,JUST KEEP YOUR CHIN UP AND GO,I HOPE YOU FIND AN INNER PEACE I REALLY DO,I ALWAYS SAY US PEOPLE NEED PSYC HELP TOO,I KNOW IT HELPS ME AND THIS WEB SITE HELPS ALSO.GOD BLESS

Oh I can totally relate. My way of doing things has always been to "push through the pain". However that mentality is probably some of the reason my pain issues got out of control.

I used to be very athletic and in very good shape and I had a lot of stamina. Over the last three years or so that has slowly and yet suddenly been stripped away. I grieve sometimes about the person I "used" to be. However I still am the same person in many ways I just have to handle many situations differently.

I still haven't totally accepted my current condition but on days when I show more acceptance towards myself I find that I feel more like myself. I have to keep reminding myself that if a family member was having these issues and not me, that I would express compassion, patience and understanding...yet I feel the need to be hard on myself when I wouldn't be if it were a loved on of mine suffering. The key is definitely giving yourself the same love and compassion as you would for someone else you care about, if it was them and not you, dealing with chronic pain. KWIM? But that's easier said than done, isn't it?
Take care,

WhiteRose

yes you mourn your old life.But then you learn to accept your limitations and do the best you can. Thats not always good enough for me so I may mourn again for awhile but life goes on and sometimes its hard but it goes on just in a different way marilyn

I feel this every day.....

Doug/ouch you said it all perfectly, it brought tears to my eyes as well. I guess when I get over the anger and denial I will reach the grieving stage.Thanks for saying it so clearly.
Deb

Oh yes. With each new pain that took something away from me that I loved to do, I went through a grieving process for the old "me," that no longer was, before I could get on w/the me I'm still becoming. I still grieve from time to time, & it's normal for us to do so--a good and cleansing thing, as long as we don't get stuck there.
Chronic pain can be a teacher, even if we're all getting an education we never wanted. One of the things I've learned is compassion, esp. compassion for others in pain, & for those who are lonely.