I'm done. The buck gets passed again and again and again. There is no dignity in living like this.
Finally saw the ortho today. No explanation for the increased pain. No sort of examination, nurse didn't even take a temp or blood pressure. (Though this might be standard for ortho, I'm not sure.) The doc reiterated his opinion that any surgical intervention would make things worse. He suggested that my PCP & rheumatologist should change my autoimmune meds. He dismissed my questions on pain management, indicating I should ask my PCP.
The irony would be funny if it wasn't my quality of life on the line. Both ortho and rheum say it's my PCP's job to manage pain; my PCP says it's theirs. The answer is easy: see a pain management doctor. It's the logistics I can't fathom. I live in a county with 4 people per square mile, and it's 4+ hours to the nearest legit PM clinic. I could move... but how do you move when you're broke and crippled and can't drive? Each solution makes more dilemmas. I'm just done.
BUT----how hard it is for me to NOT give up-------For those who don't know---I HATE myself---my looks---etc----how can I accept things that I cannot change when they are apparent 24/7?????? I attempted suicide twice because I view me as detestful!!!If you don't know my story and would like to---read journals or I'll be glad to share---Thank you for your time and I appreciate any and all advice
Well it happened as I thought it might. After a year sober I haven’t noticed that another month went by. Four days ago. This doesn’t mean I’m not aware of my sobriety. Actually the opposite. Abstaining from alcohol opened the door to my sober mind. I feel clear and refreshed in my thoughts and emotions. To me the clean in clean and sober (since I don’t use drugs) means a clean mind....