Im just trying to understand this. Im at the end of my rope. Im only 29 years old and Ive had my whole life stolen from me. Ive always been tired and sick and weakly but, a few years ago, what little mind and body I had left was stripped from me. I look like a big healthy, strong and good looking man, but inside Im completely useless and broken. Every ounce of strengh and energy and vitality is gone. My mind is so fogged over I feel stoned all the time and cant focus enough for even the most menial tasks. Everyone thinks Im either a freak or a hypochondriac because doctors have run every test in the world on me and cant find anything wrong. "Youre the picture of health," they say. "You should be able to do anything." And I should...but I cant. Instead I need so much rest. I can wake up after a long nights sleep and make it about an hour before I cant keep my eyes open. A flight of stairs leaves me winded and phyisically/mentally exhausted the way that a high school soccer game should and then it takes for ever to catch back up. Anything that ever brought me any joy is gone. I cant taste food, I cant feel women, and I cant be the thing that I need to be more than anything in the world...A man. Ive come so close to killing myself but my religious convictions wont allow me. I cant even feel emotion anymore...love, hate, pity...I want to be angry at this, whatever it is, but I cant...Im just too tired. Whats wrong with me?
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