
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Support Group
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (ME/CFS) describes a sense of exhaustion and post-exertion malaise, even when you have gotten enough rest and sleep. The disease is characterized by six months of incapacitating fatigue experienced as profound exhaustion and extremely poor stamina, and problems with concentration and short-term memory. The cause is unknown, but it is a...

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Hello all,
Here i am at the start of three months off work to try and recover. Yeah, I know, 3 months is a drop in the bucket of CFS time. I've had it almost two years. But I luckily can keep my job for now and have coworkers that care for me.
Some of them want to meet for lunch or coffee at some points during my absence. Here's the problem - My boss is one of those people and I don't like her. Most of us don't. In fact the stress she caused me led me into CFS. She is not the only source of stress I connect with going into full blown CFS but she is fifty percent of it. She's still my boss. How do I say No, I don't want to meet you for coffee?
It may not sound like a big problem but for me this has been a complicated relationship from the start and I feel I need to limit my contact with her to the workplace.
Thanks to anyone who can give me some pointers!
Here i am at the start of three months off work to try and recover. Yeah, I know, 3 months is a drop in the bucket of CFS time. I've had it almost two years. But I luckily can keep my job for now and have coworkers that care for me.
Some of them want to meet for lunch or coffee at some points during my absence. Here's the problem - My boss is one of those people and I don't like her. Most of us don't. In fact the stress she caused me led me into CFS. She is not the only source of stress I connect with going into full blown CFS but she is fifty percent of it. She's still my boss. How do I say No, I don't want to meet you for coffee?
It may not sound like a big problem but for me this has been a complicated relationship from the start and I feel I need to limit my contact with her to the workplace.
Thanks to anyone who can give me some pointers!
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Another thing you might say about not meeting with them is that your Dr wants you to rest, and not go out more than you have to.
And, for that matter, the others. Yes, it's good to get out. Yes, it's good to maintain social contacts. But if you are ill enough to stop working, you are also ill enough not to be expected to shower and dress and go out to meet people. If they care about you as you say, they will understand this. And if not, they're wasting your time and precious energy satisfying their own curiosity.
Just TRY not to say, "I'm too tired." They don't understand that - or rather, they think they do, and it only makes things worse. Just say, "I don't feel well enough to go out, but it's sure great getting to visit by phone, blah-blah-chummycakes. So what's going on with you?"
An office chum might visit you at your house if asked. A real friend will help you clean it without being asked. BIG difference. Painful as it may be, this is a time when you have to mentally separate casual and professional acquaintances from true friends. You can do it yourself, or it will be done for you by circumstance and experience. We all go through it, one way or another. Expect some serious "ouch", and remember to come back here when you get to one of them. We do get it. That's why we're here, actually.
Understand that if you are considering going out long term, that is a legal proposition - NOT a social occasion. A 'friendly business' turns into a 'strictly business' real fast. Their goal is a quick return to work. Your goal is to recover. However pleasant and polite everyone is about it now, you are severely at odds in terms of goals. And the insurance carrier? Not even close! Keeping that in mind, the last thing you want is for business and personal opinion to trump you and your doctor's intentions. So don't invite any extra scrutiny. These people aren't there when you go home and collapse for 3 days afterwards, and most won't be insightful enough to imagine it, either.
Even a failed attempt at a partial return to work can be used later in an attempt to discredit your claim. So don't even think about it unless you're 100% and rarin' to go. If you do go back, 3 months isn't an office pal killer. And if you don't, then you will have avoided potentially complicating your LTD case.
Disclaimer: I am neither a physician nor a lawyer. Just a claimant who's bt and dt. Found out I was very naive about these things. ( I have since recovered from that, at least.)
If you can't say "no" on your own volition now, indeed 'circumstance and experience' WILL make the decision for you.
As you ask your question, part of what you're doing is "bargaining." That's an integral part of any situation where you're trying to have some control. Being in control of being out of control is key to any illness, especially this one that society doesn't believe. You've already done some good bragaining. You chose to leave work for 3 months. Continue w/ your bargaining. You done good so far! You pondered whether to take off for 3 mos., you decided to do it, and you found this place. Keep going ... you're on the road ... say "no" to coffee w/ the boss. You can live w/ yourself if you say that nicely, w/ mush. Can't you?