I am sorry for the situation you are in right now.Have you taken him with you and had your Dr. explain it to him. It might help.Phone Dr. ahead of time and tell him whats happening. Good luck marilyn

All I can say is I`am so sorry that your husband is not supportive.
There really is a silver lining to every cloud.

I grieve for you, sweetheart. Having no support, esp. from the one you love the most, must cut deep. I will pray for you.

I am so sorry you have that added stress. I was fortunate that my husband stayed with me, but it was very hard. I know many marriages do not survive this illness. Would your husband read a book about it? HUGZ

My BF(who used to be my fiance) is that way; he thinks that CFS is a made-up illness; "everybody gets tired; you just have to keep pushing". He has absolutely NO empathy for anyone else's problems, not even mine. I have tried to explain it to him, but to no avail. And as for my Dr trying to explain it, he is beginning to think that I am seeing a quack, simply because I go to see him too often to suit my BF. I think it is very hard for some people to understand that you are actually ill unless you show the signs of illness. If you look healthy, then you are, as far as they are concerned, and then you are just playing to get sympathy.

I feel so badly that your husband is talking about abandoning your marriage. You certainly ARE still the woman he married, you've been taken ill. I would venture to say that if this had happened to him, you wouldn't talk about ending the marrige. Am I right?
Three months after I got married, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. I thought I would die at the thought of losing him. Never for one minute did I think of leaving him. He had two surgeries, I ran around like an idiot taking care of him and that's how we started our marriage. Now, six years later, he is healed up, thank God, and cancer free, thank God, and I have taken ill with CFS. Soooo now it's his turn to take care of me.
I must say that neither one of us has ever mentioned that the other is not the same person we married. I am bed-ridden and not a lot of fun. But when he was bed-ridden for nearly three years, I never left his side.
Marriage is 100/100, not 50/50. Remind your husband of that.
You are a gift that God gave to him. He must love you and respect you in sickness and in health.
You are right, the sun is still shining behind the clouds of illness. Pray that he can see through and love you as he should. You are his wife, for life, and you deserve at least his love and understanding in this difficult time.
Praying for understanding for your husband.
Sincerely, DarlaC

Yes, there are rough spots at times in my marriage, but we ride it out. It is all about trust. Communication is the key. Finding the right time to talk is also important. I hope you find a positive way through this rough spot. Remember, we are always changing, so we are never the same person we were when we met. Look at the glass half full (the good stuff is still in there). Good luck.

I am touched and amazed at all your suport. the reply from LynnC I especially empathise with as this is how my husband is right now. I know where you are !! ALL of your replies have helped me today though. I was at my wits end and your prayers and thoughts and views have helped me to regain a more positive view. thank you all.

Hi Dear
I haven't experience the same problem but I had lots of clients who are in similar situation. This is very common, so please take him to a doctor with you and educate him on this matter. look at www.reverse-therapy.com
Write to me if you need more help. I can write any more, need to go of the computer, but good luck

Dear friend.

We all are in a very difficult position. Our illness is an illness of being alone and no sympathy at all. It is not only your husband who does not understand. I know it is difficult but try to understand him. Put yourself in his shoes. It is difficult for him as well as it is for us to understand this illness. Be patient with him. I know you are the one who needs the support, but it is very hard for him to understand.

I have had it for 7 years, and lost all my friends. Nobody believe it. I even heard that my illness was a lie. Had to make new friends. Had a partner who bounced all the time with my illness, and at the end we parted. My mistake was not understanding him. Wanting him to understand me and my illness. I am not saying this is your case, but try to love him more and to understand that for him is almost impossible to understand this illness. I am not saying you are selfish, I know we should be understood but almost most of the people do not understand and it is very confusing for them. Try to love him evem more and try to understand him. It is difficult but try. I am living alone, managing well, but it is much better having someone coming back home and eating together. I failed to understand that he could not understand my illness, and I should have understood that it is almost impossible for them to understand it.

a big hug and i am sorry to hear of your story - mine is that I joined this to find out more about CFS and how others cope. I am well but my partner has chronic cfs which, although i have known him for 5 years i only moved in with him 6 months ago and he has deteriorated so much during this time. I am finding it really hard to handle as his personality seems to have changed from caring and warm to really grumpy extremely unreasonable cannot make any decisions anymore even what to eat, he has lost two stone and now extremely thin and panics over the slightest insignificant thing. Obviously i feel it would be better for him if i moved out but feel guilty i am at my wits end as to what to do. I commute to london to work everyday which he seems to resent but i have to work. Any advice would be so gratefully received. I have the utmost sympathy for everyone who suffers this condition but how do partners cope?

aww, this is really sad, pvfs. has put a strain on most of my friendships and relationships over the years, my daughters on the verge of leaving home to go and live with my mum, it's just really hard getting through these relapses, the last thing you need is disbelief it's going to exhaust you. feel really bad for you and hope you can resolve this problem, mabey he was just having a bad day as he's finding it difficult to see you change so much.

Hi1 I have fibromyalgia and CFS. My husband was the same as most listed above but one day about three weeks ago, all of a sudden he had an epiphany and began researching Fibro.
He is much more considerate now and seems to be more accepting ( it is hard for them to miss the sparkle that we had when well)
Also remember MEN are FIXERS. They are extremely upset when they care for you but can't fix our problems (illness). A lot of his frustration maybe at himself because he thinks that it has failed you in some way.
Hope this helps!

I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2003. My doctor told me that the Chronic Fatigue was not an illness in and of itself, but instead a symptom of something much larger. In 2005 I was diagnosed with MS symptoms. I was told that these symptoms stemmed wayyyy back to my middle school days, 1978. I had a high school sweetheart turned fiance in 1982. He and I...it was a beautiful time between us, but of course I endured various symptoms of the Chronic fatigue/ms back then and we didnt know what it was. My fatigue and other symptoms just eventually grew very irritating to my fiance who told me several times he took my lack of energy for disinterest in him. There was no way to convince him otherwise. In 1985 I was once again engaged to another man. Fabulous man. He had seen me through hospital visits and anxiety/fear of not knowing what my body was going through. And he took it all in stride. He wanted a wife who could work AND have children/take care of the children,...who could do the things his mother did. I had NO energy for both. I had no explaination back then either, just that I could not. He grew more and more frustrated with my "could nots" especially because at that time, doctors and testings offered no answers. I understood his frustration. I could feel my body getting worse, too, and I didnt want him to, years later, regret marrying me and not being able to carry out the things that meant the most to him. I was in my mid twenties, and for better or worse, that's how I thought of things at that time. I broke off our relationship thinking I was doing that out of love. I wanted him to be happy, to be fulfilled, and to have all that he had dreamed of. I knew I couldnt fulfill what he was asking for...and neither of us knew why (then). I had been recently diagnosed with CFS when he had looked me up and we began talking. So, if anything else, I had an opportunity to tell him what I finally knew. And I recently shared with him about the findings of MS symptoms. I put everything on the table, told him everything I knew. I went back, if for a moment, to the days of him and I, to explain to him about my health then and how things came to be to discover CFS and MS symptoms. He told me to keep searching for doctors and find answers that could best help me how to function as best as I could, because some of my health areas are still rather vague. I told him I wished I knew then, when it was the days of him and I, so that at least at the time we would have KNOWN, you know, what was going on and we could have decided what to do, etc. I am at peace knowing that he knows. I have learned that some people are OK with a person having CFS or MS or whatever kind of illness. And others cant seem to deal with it. Everyone is different. I am single and I am talking with someone who is fine with my CFS and MS. One day at a time. But you never know.

Excellent post. Thanks for sharing. Hugs Ellen

My BF "researched" both CFS and Hypothyroidsim, and came up with the conclusion that I just need to eat better, and exercise more! I have gotten tot eh point where I just ignore him, and avoid the whole subject.