I have struggled with this... Ive been listening to sermons on fighting depression, oppression, sadness, for some time trying to get strength to move on.. One common theme is forgivness. At times I just get frustrated , sometimes it feels like pastors tell victims to forgive, but never adress the ill behaviors of the people who are cruel.. I have to move on, its a new year, and I dont want to carry the hurt and immobilization into this year... I already am as I have had 2 days off so far and have accomplished nothing.. For the past month , ive stayed mainly in bed on my days off, I worked alot of crazy hours, I cant do this anymore. I will never understand why my mother supported my 14 yr old sons accusations of me being abusive, why she went against me with my dau. enabling her behavior as well . She was included in my home as my brothers, but the minute my son accused me they swooped down on me and my life is not the same.. I know nothing of my son , he will be 21 in Feb. as for my dau. her behavior since she moved in with my mother and has since become Muslim, is indifferent to me. I have no relationship with my kids, and they were so cherished by me.. I dont get it. Its been 7 yrs going on 8 I thought maybe this would be my jubilee year. but Im still struggling.. After hearing sermons again today. I decided I needed to release this, I called my mother, she mostly denies ever going against me.. said I wasnt a bad mom, I did all I could.. this is maddening,, but Im sposed to forgive, I told her I was to forgive and I am tho I dont know why she felt she had to do this.. There was no healing found in this, maybe Ill feel better tomorrow. I just want the spirit on depression off me and out of the house.. I know God isnt done,Ive given it all in his hands, I cant do anything more. Please pray that I have strength to claim my life back,,,
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