It has been a long while since I have posted a comment on this group. So much has taken place. Last time I wrote it was about my oldest son who had despised me as his mother and did not want anything to do with me. I spent many a night in tears and even being stricken with Bells Palsy because of all the stress last year. Last year I waited for a phone call telling me that my son was found dead. He had abandoned his apartment leaving everything inside, even things that he would not normally leave like electronics and clothes. The horrors that went through my mind were almost too much to bear. I thought I would end up in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. All the while he never contacted me. After spending a night of weeping around 3 in the morning I heard a still small voice say"take your son off the throne and and put Me on it". I realized how much I had put my son on "the throne" of my heart. It was at this point I decided to let go and let God begin to work in my family situation. So many times we as mothers take on the responsibility of bringing our families together because we feel like because we are mothers we should. But sometimes no matter how hard we try we can't get others to cooperate thus feeling like failures and being being left with a sense of hopelessness. Well I began to pray and I began to slowly take my son and place him on the altar like Abraham did to Isaac in the Old Testament and it was hard to do. I began to leave the responsibility of putting my family back together in God's lap. It has been a very difficult process. But I can say now that God is truly in control. Through a series off events my son finally got in contact with me. I learned that he had been involved with a very bad group of people and using all kinds of drugs. This was what caused all the hatred in his heart. He gave his heart to Jesus and began to read his bible and pray. He ended up moving in with us for about 3 months beck in October 2011. All was not well I have to say because of past hurts and things that still need to be worked on however his heart changed and he was no longer acting in hatred towards me. We had to ask him to move out because he got involved again with smoking weed and being with some people we had requested for him not to be involved with while staying with us. But even when we had to make that difficult decision he kept a great attitude towards me. He has told me on several occasions that he loves me and that I am a wonderful mother. He is engaged to a wonderful girl who loves him despite all the difficulties he has been through. The beautiful thing is that he wants me to be involved in his life now. I even had the pleasure of spending Mother Day with both sons. I am taking it one day at a time. Not getting overly excited through this whole thing but trusting God in it. I know that it doesn't always end up this way for many families. But I truly believe if we as parents would truly let go and let God take control of our situations that we can walk in peace and our hearts will not be troubled. God bless you all.
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