Dear towsmommy,

God has not abandoned you, the legal system, social services, your therapist, and all the other officials have abandoned you. You are overwhelmed with worry, fear, frustration and most of all vsat concern about the safety and welfare of your children. That you did not know about the abuse and or did not report it is one thing; but your 12 year old is old enough to speak to authorities about his abuse at the hands of his fatherT that is a direct accusation not second hand or say so. Seek out a woman's shelter and woman's support group also as they will have people on staff who have experience with this. Use computer search function to see what is in your area check to see if there is either a D.A.R.E.S. shelter and or group in your area or an organizaiton called One Step - both deal with your problems and serve as advocates for women and children and I say this prayer for you tonight

Dear God, Your child Twosmommy is in desperate need tonight. Please let her feel your touch by stilling her fears and anxiety at least for tonight, Please let her hear You whisper comfort in her ear and please guide her to the people who can provide her and her children thehelp an dsafety that they need. Amen.

From a practical worldly approach, first....

Can you appeal to the courts to allow your children to be assessed by a court appointed, unbiased couselor, where they would be able to share their side of what happened in your home, with their father? While I know that it is frustrating to have no tangible evidence or documentation, that in and of itself should not be enough to make the courts totally dismiss even the possibility that there is a bigger picture which needs to be reviewed from everyones point of view... especially the childrens.



And as far as the frustration over feeling abandoned by God, and not sensing His presence....

Its important, ESPECIALLY when we DON'T FEEL IT, that I we press in all the more. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing, by the Word of God.... and the more we hear, the more we feed our faith, so I would encourage you to just continue to press in. God knows exactly how you feel, and why you feel this way... and while I believe that it saddens him when his children suffer separation from Him, I don't believe that He holds it against us in anger or uses it as a fuel for rejecting us. We FEEL rejected and abandoned... and I think we ALL go through the same sensation from time to time, as the world monopolizes our senses and our flesh is so easily distracted, especially by pain and stress. So we have to do our best to diligently seek Him, and put our faith in knowing that, while His Presence CAN be felt, the absence of the feeling of His Presence is not an indicator of His actual absence, it is merely an indication that we don't FEEL Him at the moment. But He is with you, and His word is Truth. If you can just keep those suppositions in the forefront of your mind, and DONT SPEAK DOUBT, just keep speaking His word over your situation, over your children, over your self, just keep His word in your mouth... and faith will come by hearing.... by hearing His word, as it continually pours like a fountain from your lips. Whatever our minds hear come out of our mouths, is reinforced. So if we speak our fears, speak our doubts, speak our pains, we find we just have more of the same. The flesh and the senses resist. They are worldly, afterall... so when you speak, don't think "this is a lie that I am saying because I don't feel it"... rather think... "my spirit knows this, because it is His spirit in me, somewhere! and His spirit knows that His word is Truth! even if at the moment my flesh and situation have veiled my awareness of his spirit, my spirit. So I will allow His spirit in me to speak His word TO my flesh and situation... its not a lie... its just not sensorily evident." and remember this about faith....

Faith is not believing once the evidence is present. "Faith is the evidence of things NOT seen" and also, even our faith is given to us as a gift from God, by grace. Like all of His gifts, they are given freely to all those who are His children. He does not withhold any good thing! However, like ALL gifts, spiritual and otherwise, we cannot enjoy them, until we receive them, and that can be a challenge for us... for ALL of us. But rather than feeling condemned because we aren't receiving, we have to show ourselves a little grace, too... and realize that we are normal.

In the midst of so many trials, its easy to get worn down and feel defeated. If we beat ourselves up over feeling that way, we only add to the abuse we have suffered. Its not uncommon for people who have suffered abuse at the hands of others to also develop their own abusive tendancies, and typically, we begin by abusing ourselves, in the way we think, especially, about ourselves. Outside abusers, we can escape from. But if we begin to abuse ourselves with negative thinking processes, then we have an abuser that we cannot escape, the one in our mind... which may have been planted and encouraged from outward sources, but often, once present, we continue to feed ourselves. I know I did. When no one was speaking ill over me, I had learned how to do it myself. I know that your situation is a very INCREDIBLY tender one, and everything that you are feeling is valid and bears attention. Just be careful how you speak about it, because the power of life and death are in the tongue!

I would encourage you to seek pastoral counsel, attend church services as frequently as they are available to you, sing like no one can hear you, bring plenty of tissue and don't hold back if you need to bawl your eyes out! I don't know where you live, but I pray that God will lead you to His house... and I know there are many houses with His name, but not every one may be suited for you, and I hope that if you are currently in one that doesn't move your spirit, that you will seek, prayerfully, until you find yourself among a body of believers who will be your brothers and sisters. A church with a good childrens church program may be ideal for you right now, since you don't need the distraction of keeping the children in line while you miss the message that you may so need to receive. At the time of feeling absent from Him, this is the time we most need to press in... don't let the devil convince you that since you aren't feeling him, you should give up. And don't be spooked by mention of the devil. He is a defeated foe, but we have to join in the spiritual warfare to bring that truth to reality in our personal situations. The devil toys with all of us, and it isn't an indicator that there is anything wrong with you, it is actually BECAUSE you are Gods that he will mess with you all the more, trying to pull you away and convince you that God has turned his back. Rebuke those thoughts. The devil doesn't attack us because we are bad, he attacks us because he knows that we are the only way that he can get to God. He can't get to God himself... God is matchless! But what better way to get to someone that you can't touch than by their children! YOU know this first hand, as your children are being used to hurt you! And not by your stbx on his own, but by the devil, through him. The word tells us in Ephesians 6 that "we wrestle not with flesh and blood (people) but against the principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places"... all that means is.... against evil forces... the devil and his minions. The best trick the devil can ever play on you is to convince you that he doesn't exist. Jesus commands us to pray for those who hurt and use us.... so pray for your stbx... as hard as it may be, that he may be freed of the evil that is behind him in this... remember that when God sent Jesus to the cross, he did it for you, for me, and for him too... God loves him and wants us to pray for him to be released from the evil forces that have taken hold of him. I know this may be the last thing you want to hear, but part of being separate from God is caused by thinking like the world. The world won't tell you to pray for your stbx... but Jesus does command us otherwise.

I know I have said a lot, but what I have said isn't my opinion, its biblical... so I hope you can digest it... and if you disagree with something I've said, know that I am human (and I'm not rereading for editing) but examine what I have offered you here in light of Gods word. By all means discard anything that you deem unbiblical, if there is something... but let His word be your guide. If you need good praise music to listen to, I encourage you to get some... check out the threads where people have shared their favorites... and if you don't know scripture well and need suggestions on what verses might be fitting to speak over your situation... just ask and I'm sure that many will share their favorite power packed verses.

You are not alone! But just the same, I am sorry that you FEEL alone. I am praying for you all. Ask him to increase the measure of your faith and to reveal Himself to you through His word.... and try to quiet the storm so that you can receive.

Remember when Jesus was asleep on the boat, and the storm came, and they woke Him up terrified. He was a bit disgusted that they didn't "get it" that they could have done what He did... "peace. be still" after they had been with Him so long. He tells us in His word that we will do the things He has done and greater even when He is with the Father... for now, we may need to ask Him to help calm the storm... and he'll get up from his nap on the boat and do it, lol.... but our ultimate ambition is to learn to harness what He has given us in the gift of the Holy Spirit, to quiet our own storms... Of course the glory is His... as its not us doing it in our own power, but allowing Him to work through us, as we understand the indwelling of His Spirit in us.


Lifting you up to Him,
In Jesus' name,
~kimberly

I agree if nothing else, let your son talk to a child's advocate or a CPS counselor. DO NOT COACH him on what to say, just tell him to tell the truth. Keep praying, your mind is so full of worries right now, it's hard to hear him, but believe me, He hears you. We are all praying for you, stay strong.

This is nothing more than to help you become a stronger person. God has not left you he is carrying you. Lay your burden on Him he will guide you through. I hope that everything in the end of this works out ok for you and that God will shed his light on you soon. I will have you in prayers today. Please let us all know how you are doing. I will make an extra special pray for you son. It's hard enough being 12 I can only imagine what he is going through!

It can get overwhelming ! and its hard to keep focus when your overwhelmed, a lot of the time we bring problems on ourself because of poor choices, not trusting God to guide us in all matters. But God is a God who is slow to anger giving us all kinds of opportunities to better ourselves and get closer to him. God doesnt only talk one way in our lives he can talk to us through circumstances, in our spirits, through the bible, through prayer and fasting, through nature we cant limit him to one way,, so the question is where are you looking to hear from him? Everything has its timing and sometimes God doesnt talk but acts when we least expect it, or when it looks almost to late. So that means we have to trust him and know that when we pray he heard us the first time, and walk in the word practicing what we allready know. Be Blessed in all of your ways!