I went to bed last night in tears and wondering to myself how would I go on again. In fact I said it's been over a year that I have been diagnosed with a disorder that have came out of no where. I count the days that go by that I have not shared tears about it. I try to not think about it and listen everyone when they say ignore the pain stay in prayer. I do just that and keep praying even when it feels like I can't hardly breath or my heart beats to fast. I try to make trhe baby's milk and keep the baby changed even when my bones hurt and my head hurts. I try to pick him up even when my arms are to tired or my muscles are so weak. I give the other 2 boys as much attention possible but it's hard to do. I woke up this morning feeling like I was run over by a truck but Im blessed because I woke up this morning. I went to turn the water on in the sink and realized they came to turn the water off unable to pay the bill. I called my husband at work to let him know and he was not to happy about it but I think he blames me because I have been unable to work for a whole year now I lost all my income. I stop crying when I think to myself there is always someone in worse condition. I pray for those that are and those like myself. Sometimes I stare at people from my window and wish I had their health and stregnth and the ability to go about my daily tasks and life. I have my life and my family I am so blessed still. I just needed to vent especially when walking in my shoes.
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