I've been a Christian since the age of 8. I am now 24. I have always striven to have a close relationship with Jesus Christ and to pray every day and at least make an "effort" to read the Bible on a regular basis, though that usually doesn't happen (lack of time, interest, or any other excuse you can think of). However, I realized at the age of 23 that since about the age of 11 or 12, I have been feeling a definite attraction towards women. I have been in two same-sex relationships since then, the second one of which I am currently in at this time. I really, truly love the woman I am with and want to spend the rest of my life with her. However, of course my family is religious and they cannot stand the fact that (as they say) I "think" I am gay. They definitely don't approve of the "lifestyle", as they like to call it. In fact, I pretty much get a daily lecture over this that totally ruins my self esteem and is actually causing problems with my girlfriend right now. I told one friend at my church in confidence and it "somehow" spread to everyone in the congregation. Now I do not feel like I can return because it is a Baptist church and they have tended to judge me in the past for other things, especially my problems with depression, saying that it is the work of Satan and that if I spent more time praying and connecting with God that I would not feel that way. Not only do I feel in my heart that it is wrong to be in this relationship, but I also feel, on some level, that it is right. At least what I feel is right for me. It makes me happy. I have never in my life felt this way about anyone else! What am I supposed to do when I feel so judged by my own Christian family as well as my natural family which I have tried so hard all my life to please, but yet I feel that this is the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with! I cannot even come close to explaining how conflicted I feel. It almost feels as if I am being forced to make a CHOICE between loving God and doing what He wants, and loving my girlfriend and creating a happy life with her! How should I approach this?
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