I used to be very full of rage, especially towards my mother and father in law, just because of the way they are. And they can't even help most of it! They are nearly uneducated and misunderstand a lot of things and they're kind of slow too. Since they are old and sick, it doesn't exactly make things easier for them...or me. I don't want to feel the rage I used to feel towards them. I thought I was beyond that. But I can feel it coming back when I get around them. I've told my husband before that I should get away from them, and not have to spend so much time around them because I felt like it was driving me crazy! We got our own home now (we used to live with them) and I thought everything was better. But I can feel the rage coming back. I don't understand. It's even making me short tempered with my husband and daughter. But we have to live close to them because my husband takes care of them. I just want to move away from here sometimes, where we can be own our own. But I know with the way things are now, that we're stuck here........waiting for them to die. And I feel so bad about saying that or even thinking it. But it's true! My husband's at the end of his rope right now, having to be the one everyone around him looks to, to make things okay. I can't pester him about this again, but I don't have anyone else who understands, to talk to. And I'm not just thinking that. It's true.
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So today was my birthday, yet it's made me feel down. I got a text from my mum and one of my sisters (I have 2 sisters, 1 brother), my mum dropped off a present and card from her and my dad. My boyfriend only remembered it was my birthday after I'd told him about my daughter singing happy birthday to me and he posted on Facebook. Then he caused an argument.Yeah I got messages on Facebook, but...
Minutes, days and weeks go by. And no one gives a care about what I am doing or if I am alive or not. I only hear from Family when they want something. Supposedly my “friends” don’t even text or call to see if i want to go somewhere or do somthing. I could die and it may be days before anyone would miss me.