my son calls his real dad bryan and my hunny is his daddy.his real dad is a coke head right now so he dosent get to see him much. he owes me like 12,000 ugh i hate it!

hey my son calls his dad spermdonor and loser he is seven my son callsmy brother daddy and my dad daddy so he still gets a male role modal

hey my son calls his dad spermdonor and loser he is seven my son callsmy brother daddy and my dad daddy so he still gets a male role modal

To hate the very thing that helped create your greatest joy is strange to me...almost insanity.
I imagine that you're young though. I'm not saying you're wrong, only that time will (hopefully), share with you to direct your hate toward the things that people do instead of the people themselves.

My x is 97,000 behind in child support and is as I type this lying in a hospital on a ventilator. He always said that he could not pay and support his new family, but I learned that the energy that I wasted on being angry at him could be used for far more productive things.

Now I just feel sorry for him.

In the beginning my ex was ordered to pay $100/week, which works out to $433/month, when averaged. He was also supposed to be paying 1/2 of all medical not covered by insurance. MY daughter was then on Medicaid, but I have remarried and for two years she has been covered under my husband's insurance, bcbs. Her father has never paid one cent for the medical portions he owes, and has never paid for any of the medical coverage. He is currently $8300 behind in child support. Recently he had his chilod support reduced from $100/week to $100/month with $25 for arrears. Well, you would think with this much of a reduction, he would be able to pay very easily, but of course not. I am sorry to say this, but get used to it. Being angry about it will only hurt you, and I know because I deal with the same problems of being so pissed at the idiot. He marries a disabled woman, makes a baby, and all of a sudden it some huge surprise that maybe that was not the best idea. Make more dependents I mean, when you already have one that you cannot pay any support for. But, that is the point, he will forever use any excuse he can to get out of paying child support. He will always be as late as he is allowed to be. He will always weasel out of his obligations. That is just him, and his way of life. A major reason I divorced him actually. Unfortunately my situation is a little different from yours in that I am forced to deal with the moron for another 12 years regardining visitations, and he has now married a very vindictive and jealous woman. It is a nightmare. Honestly, I would happily trade the child support for him just going away. He is a poor example of what a father should be, and my little girl deserves better. This was my fault for not seeing what he was sooner. Anyway, no real advice here, just saying I know how you feel. Only suggestion I have is, do your best to not let it anger you, because it does not real good. What does child support enforcement say about it?

I completely agree with the going away part.

We have a birthmother who is $5000 behind in child support. She has paid nothing. For anything at all. We recently went the court, and she lied to the judge. The judge took pity on her pathetic lies and reduced her child support to $50/month, with $10/month for back pay. Again, she has paid nothing. Even though she now has a better job and a rich boyfriend.

I would much rather trade with her so she could just go away and leave us alone, and in exchange we would forgive all of her debt. We don't need her money. It'd definitely be 100% worth it if she'd just go away.

i dont understand why they have such a problem with paying the money they are told to. expecially in a lot of cases were if they werent working have under the table they would be paying alot more my sons father was ordered to pay $81/week and he only pays 40/week when he feels like it well if he would just put down the crack pipe he wouldnt have that problem

Wow,Robin, I see that your story is almost exactly like mine. My ex is only $1000 behind and THAT is exasperating. The worst part of it is the emotional toll it takes on my son. He is almost 12 (2 more weeks) and is so hurt that his father doesn't spend any time with him. My ex also got remarried and had two MORE babies that he can't support. My son feels that his father abandoned him for his new wife and kids. When he does go to visit his father (who only lives 90 miles away but only sees his spermdonor father every 4-6 months), his father dumps him with his stepmother and works 14 hours a day, spending no time with his son at all. I don't understand why, if he's working all these hours, he can't afford to pay anything. In Massachusetts, the IRS can take his tax refund, if he files for it. They can also suspend his driver's license and freeze his bank account, but only if he gets more than $1500 behind or 8 weeks. Somehow he knows this and makes a payment of $50 before the 8 weeks is up. What a complete jerk!

To all of you - My heart goes out to you! And, I SO agree with you about trading CS for the other parent to just go away.

Has anybody actually mentioned that to the other parent? The mother of my younger SD is very unstable and is simply unable to raise a child. When BM still had custody, we had the little one almost all the time anyway while her BM still collected CS. Then, my husband slowly fell $800 behind in CS over several months, because his job was comission-only and they were withholding the max from his paychecks, which sometimes did not meet all of the CS requirement. There was never enough on the next check to pay extra and catch up on the CS and we hated every minute of it. Meanwhile, we tried for two years to get custody of the little one and at one time, my hubby actually offered her mother that he would take out a loan and pay her the $800 arrears immediately if she would sign agreed orders to give us primary custody. Get this - she was actually willing to do it!!! Just like that, for $800 she was willing to give up her daughter. The only reason it did not work out was because we said we would send the money through the CS unit so it would be on the record. Finally, the CS got caught up and she moved 8 hours away and voluntarily signed the orders giving us primary custody. And now that she is supposed to pay us the CS - she has not paid a dime either, but we are SO glad that she is gone!

Also, a friend of mine had her son's birthfather's rights terminated so his SD could adopt him. The father had never paid CS since the birth of the boy and maybe occasionally sent a holiday card but had no real contact with his son. In combination, those two factors made it easy for the court to make the decision that the boy is better off being adopted and raised by the stepfather.

Anyway, all that is to say that it might be worth a try to change custody arrangements if you owe or are owed CS. I am all for kids having contact with both birth parents and their extended family if the relationship will benefit the child. If there is no relationship, then the kids deserve to be with those that truly love them and will take good care of them.

I guess in a warped way, I am fortunate to get to see both sides of the situation right in my own home. Good luck to all of you,
tx

That last reply was very thoughtful, but it would seem as if most of us here could use a lttle good luck with that...good luck.
I find it works better for me when I make my OWN luck. This way, when it comes around in the form of "bad", I can simply change it to "good". It may sound silly and naive, but you'd be surprised at what works...when everything has failed.

Just...good...k? Get the uck out of there.

Does anyone konws about how much of the impact can therapist's recommendations impact the court?

Now we have one side of the story. I would like to hear the other side.
If the roles were reversed and you paid what your ex is supposed to pay, could you afford it? I guess your ex is not supposed to have a family or any form of lifestyle because they have children with you. I think the child support system in this country is a joke. It takes two people to lay down and make a baby but only one person gets hosed by the system. Yes, I have been bitten by the child support snake and I am very bitter about it. My children are grown and I no longer pay but I still have anger toward the child support system.

Skip, why do u feel that people shouldnt pay for their kids? If one is raising them, that takes alot of money. What is 400 dollars a month compared to 1000 dollars a month for the children to have a house, close to 300 for gas and electric so they are warm, not to mention medicine, clothes school supplies, the list is endless. I'm sorry but if the roles were reversed, 400 bucks is nothing. Without my kids, I would probably live in a tiny apartment paying half the rent i pay now, with alot less expenses. So because one decides to leave, the other parent should be left to support their child with no help?

And to Robyn, I totally understand how you feel. My ex lives 2 miles from me, never calls or visits at all. He hasnt made a child support payment in over a year. His wife sits on her ass while he works and supports kids that arent his. My son is 6, he was a good dad up until he got married. its like he just disappeared. I hate him for doing that to my son. I hate trying to explain this to him. He lives 10 minutes from me if that, and hasnt seen my son in 6 months. It sucks.

Skip, spoken like a true dead-beat. Never mind you had children who, if you lived with them, you would have been responsible for paying for their rearing, so why would it be different if you aren't around?

My ex owes $40K!!! in back support. Many months, years my son had to go without because his dad would simply disappear, and when he reappeared might make a $100 payment if I was lucky. Never mind my son had tattered clothes and I had to qualify him for a special discount on school lunches, etc. because my own income could not cover what his dad and mine did when we were married. If you think the child support sytem is so unfair, perhaps you should do something to make it better. Please, we would like to know just what that is. My simple solution is that we would not even need the child support system if dead beat parents simply paid their fair share! It's not rocket science!

BTW, who got "hosed" here? You or your kids?