You left out a big part of the story. Why has the grandparents been having custody for 5 years and why are they so concerned? Please invite them to the forum to tell their side of it.

Basically what happened was My fiance was married. After the baby was born he asked for a divorce and she tried to push him out a window leaving two dim size bruses. Well she turned hi in for abuse and he was slapped with disodely conduct and she was taken into protective cusody for a year. which ended in Jan of 2004. He was then granted full custody of her in May 2005.

She has been there so long becasue his step mother has mentally bashed him so much he was scared to take her. Now he feels he has every right to her and she loves being with us.

We talked to our lawyer as well and he said this is something we should do?

I just figured I would get on here and ask some advice.

Plus my fiances Step-mother has never liked my Finace and she likes to make his life hell. She will do everything not to let him have what he wants.

as a step mother, it's great that you are concerned. however, you can not take a child from the home they have lived in the whole time without evidence of abuse. you really don't have a say or any rights in the matter. there's nothing wrong with being concerned though.

Well its the fact my fiance has full legal custody and they have no rights to her. He wants to assume the position of the father.

We are just afraid she will never let go of her. Or scare her into not coming with us.

I don't think there is anything wrong with it if the dad is the one pushing the issue and if the child isn't going to be hurt in the process. My newphew's brother recently went through the same thing. He is 5 and has been living with his grandparents since he was 4 months old. He called grandma and grandpa- mom and dad. He has adjusted to the change and from what I know it's ok. His dad had regular visits with his son during the time his son lived with his parents. (Oh, he lived with the grandparents because at the time his dad wasn't capable of taking care of him even though he had full-custody.)

Just be careful and make sure his daughter is happy with the choice. Her home is with her grandparents.

You must ALWAYS have the child's best interest in the forefront. Why would you pull her from her home of five years? Just because your fiance really does have custody? Please be sure you are not doing this for selfish reasons. Julie

I agree with everyone that the transition has to be as gentle as possible for the child - none of this is her fault it's adults causing the problems. Being a parent myself I do question how you could let your child go, I understand things happening but for so long? Another good point has been brought up..why now? What are the driving factors behind this at this point? Do those factors have the childs best interest at heart?

Please understand - not knocking you - honestly not looking for an answer to any question I asked but asked them for you to answer for yourself. A child fulltime is life changing GL in whatever you decide and I do hope it works out well for you and your and your future husband

See we arent doing this our of selfishness.. We feel that the verbal bashing she hears about her father is not a healthy environment for her.

We do have her best interest at heart.

My fiance has been SO scared of his step mother and she is very verbally abusive to him. We are afraid she will someday do the same to his daughter.

This is a hard decision I know. I am ready for the comitment I want to make her apart of our lives without all the unecessary drama?

you know what i mean

Nikki you cann't escape the drama.
If you marry into this family you take the whole package.

Yeah I understand that.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts.

I will keep you updated!

if the child is in a stable and loving home i think you should leave her there until she's old enough to decide if she wants to live with you.

Those grandparents have no right to put down your Fiance in front of the child...that is WRONG...and as far as I'm concerned it's a form of abuse....you do not put down a child's parents in front of them....your Fiance has concerns that they will also do this to her...and that is totally understandable....he is afraid she will be "brainwashed" into thinking he is no good....children learn by example...and if this is what she is hearing she will start to believe it....that is child abuse...and not fair keeping a child away from a loving parent just because the granparents don't like him....that is not their call to make. Children are usually very resilient to change...just be cautious and look for signs of having a hard time adjusting...if she is having a hard time I would get her into some councelling....time also is needed.

I myself am in a similar situation....I have custody of my 2 year old grand daughter...she is my daughter's child....the father however has only ever paid us $200 in 2 years of child support....yes he is a lazy ass and does drugs...but I do NOT put him down to her....it's not right....she will find out when she is older how he really is....you can only sugar coat your character for so long...children grow up and will see it for themselves. I wish you all the best!

Nikki honestly it would be a hard transition for her at first but truthfully that is his child and if he is a good man and good provider and great father then i wouldn't see why he don't have his child in the first place. If he has full custody of the child then get her u dont need to legally do anything she will miss her grandparents alot, don't keep her from them just take her for three weeks make sure she enjoys herself everyday for them three weeks let her go back to visit them for a few days and so on until she is comfortable with everything, I think if they know what ur up to they are going to try and persue something and then it will be harder for u and ur fiance. I think the grandparents may be being selfish and it the stepmother is bashing the father at all then i would take her from their completely. I hope i have given the right advice, i hope i don't regret this but u make him seem liek a wonderful father!

Hello.

Thank you for the updated advice. Well we have had her for almost a year now and everything on our end is going great. She is truly happy with us.

The grandparents on the other hand... Well we found out she has been chocking her and putting "stuff" on untouchable areas. We are currently in the process of pressing charges on the step-grandmother.

For once my future step daughter feels safe... And i thank god i saved her...

Just figured I would update...