well, i understand he was a victim of DV, but under no uncertain terms should he be allowed to bully his sister or anyone else for that matter. dad needs to handle this i think. in my home, if a child is hitting another child it is stopped, no excuses, we do not hit, period. you should talk to dad about it, does the children live with you or is this just during visits? either way, it has to be stopped.

No me and my husband have two kids together and we have full custody of him his dad has talked to him and he has gotten in trouble for what he dose but dose not seem to help at all he knows that he is not allowed to hit we are just at our end of it and trying other way to punish him and talking to him about not hitting and are lost so to say at what else to do

I can say neither of my girls (yeah girls so it puts me in a diff category from jump) were part of DV - so second strike against me in this but neither of them got away with hitting - because other things weren't working when they were being diagreeing and being physical about it I brought them both into the living room gave 'em each a pillow (couch pillow) and said 'have at it'. They both looked at me horrified and I told them if they wanted to get their agression out then fine but they were doing it my way in front of me I was tired of hearing it and then when I asked them about it getting excuses. They so didn't want to do this in front of me, they both begged me "not to make them hit eachother" but each time it happened 'behind my back' I forced the issue - took about a total of 2 months to get it to stop completely - not saying this will work with all kids but it helped in my situation. GL

one other thing, and i know i am gonna catch all kinds of hell for this but here goes, there is a difference between discipline and abuse, with that said, sometimes we have to spank our kids to get their undivided attention. what i did with adam, my stepson that has autism, who was extremely violent and aggressive when i first met him, he would hit my 2 yr old grand daughter, he was 5 and more then twice her size, i hit him back exactly how he hit her, if he hit her open handed, i hit him open handed, if he punched her, i punched him, with only enough force to get his attention and then i always asked him if he liked it, he always said no. i explained to him that no one likes to be hit and i dont allow it. it took maybe about 3 or 4 times of giving him what he dished out to put a stop to it. he has not lifted a hand to anyone or anything since i showed him what it felt like to be hit, i never hurt him, but i did let him feel what it felt like, it taught him a very valuable lesson in my opinion. like i said there is a difference between discipline and abuse. there is a difference between spankings and beatings. i understand he is a DV suvivor, but that can not be used to justify not disciplining him in an effective way, and if talking and therapy isnt doing it, then it may be time to up the ante. he is old enough to know when he is being bad and understand consequnces. maybe there should be a family meeting, you and dad tell all the kids the no hitting rule and what will happen if they hit eachother, be specific and do not single him out, make it a family rule, that way he wont feel like he is being singled out and he will understand that he will be punished just like the other kids if he hits anyone. good luck,
p

I really understand what you are saying Priscila I used to make excuses for him because of his past history and I think in a way maybe that showed him that is was ok to do certain things at first we where really careful not to be to harsh or what not and maybe we helped him think that he could do what he wanted to and we would do nothing about it who knows but me and my husband really like the ideal of the family meetings and we are gonna try to incorporate them into our family night each week my daughter is only 3 years old that he is bullying I guess you could call it that not sure what else to call it and it dose not make any difference in the world what age she is but I will think about teaching him how it feels to have the things he dose to her done to him I am open to anything right now you are really helpful hubby thought maybe showing him pictures of other kids that have been hurt would help not sure though

actually if you can get some info on how kids hurt their siblings even if they didnt mean to, it might open his eyes and let him see that he could really cause a sibling great harm, even if he didnt mean to. you husband needs to explain to him that although he is well aware of the DV he had to endure, he no longer lives in that environment and if he has to be spanked then it is discipline and not abuse, he can tell him he doesnt want to do it, but if certain behaviors continue it will call for a spanking, no exceptions. good luck!