Wow, my heart goes out to you. I don't have any real suggestions as I am not in the same position. Has the mother stated why she disagrees to this? I know I'm anti-drug but fact is myself and my children are healthy my younger one doesn't like school all that much and teachers for years have said she should be on meds... but they're the only ones, sadly though it seems many teachers no longer teach like they should...anyway... if everyone is agreeing if as you've said...couldn't you take the mother to court?

I'm not really clear about why she doesn't want him on meds but she did mention the side-effects but they don't always happen. She did say "now you know what we had to put up with" so I think this is just a power thing.

Actually, we're leaning toward just having the pediatrician prescribe the meds, document everything, and let her take us to court.

What does co-morbidity mean? Does she propose any alternative treatments?

And what are the side effects - how much of a risk is it? What is the alternative to the medication, is there a different remedy or treatment?

There are side effects to every drug. The question is are they worth the good effects?
If she has custody some of the time, like visitation every other weekend, then you will need her co-operation. Ask the Doctor what will happen if she does not give the drugs on the days the boy is with her.
From personal experience, admittedly 30 years ago, I'd try the drugs. Plus they've improved immensely.

The pediatrician told her that she didn't have to give him the meds when he was with her. She said that the stimulant meds work typically for a day and that's it so there are no lasting effects. The only one that you have to take all the time would be the non-stimulant drug Strattera and we weren't really looking at that one anyway.

It is really frustrating to watch my step-son struggle and try to focus on his work. We haven't decided what to do yet. We have an appointment with his counselor this week and we will ask her what she thinks our options are. Maybe we'll wind up in court over this.

As I said the drugs for these symptoms are controversial. If it gets down and dirty into court you're going to have to prove its medically necessary. I assure you if she wants to go that far she can find plenty of Docs who will say its not. But its worth a shot if you think she won't go to the trouble of fighting you in court. Just take a letter from the boys Doc with you. The worst that can happen is she'll do the bring a letter or witness also and the judge will not order anything to be done either way.
It'll be much better to come to some sort of compromise.

If that's impossible then you're left with giving him the meds when he's with you.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I just got physical custody of my boys (6 & 8). They are both currently uncircumcised and have gotten infections. The doctor feels it's a medical necessity for them to have circumcisions and I am taking them to the appointments. My ex has already told the boys that if I do this he will take me to court or sue me or something (he tells them way too much info, but that's another discussion). Point is, I am doing what you say you are planning. You have physical custody of him and if the doctor feel he needs the medication, have the doctor write a letter stating so, to cover your ass, if necessary.

We had an appointment with the counselor yesterday and she said she had told the mother that alternatives don't work with a child like this. The counselor told us we need to do what we feel we need to do. I am going to make an appointment today to meet with a lawyer to find out what the consequences might be when we start meds because that is what we plan to do. Just want our backsides covered.

My ex was opposed to medication. He didnt see our son regularly & wasnt exposed to the daily chaos that went on surrounding his condition, (he didnt have to deal with the school, behavioral issues, schools repeated threats of suspension) therefore the need was not as clear to him.

I chose to medicate our son without his approval. Thankfully, once he was able to see the change in our son, he changed his thinking.

Does your child have an IEP in place? This is helpful in documenting the childs academic progress (or lack thereof) in relation to his peers, and it also reflects what is/isnt working. In this way you will have additional proof of what you have tried that hasnt worked-considering you have tried the alternatives (behavioral therapy, changing his diet, etc)and nothing has helped, meds would be the logical next step. This would be important evidence building up to the choice to medicate should she take you to court overthrow your right to medicate.

As a sidenote: Although Ritilan is handed out very often in cases like this, it is a very potent drug. The two most common side effects I have witnessed are loss of appetite (leading to some weight loss) and insomnia - neither of which are good for a growing boy.

While we did initially see progress, we did not stay on Ritalin for very long as its benefits were not worth the health problems it was causing. He is now on Strattera.

I should state that I mentioned Ritalin because that was the initial drug I chose for my son. There are many other drugs available in the stimulant family for the treatment of ADHD.

You will have to go to court. My x dont tell me when girls go to doc unless I have to pay. I lost my job before and asked her to get on nj kid care so the kids would have medical. She said no it is infereor. We have joint legal custody but because they live with her I can not get them on it. My point is anytime you disagree about something serious you have to go to court.

Unfortunately, with joint legal custody you could have a big problem putting the son on meds without her approval. How does their divorce decree read? If it states that all major decision are to be made jointly she'd have a really valid complaint.

However, if your son needs the meds then maybe a way to sway her to the other side is by doing some research on the various drugs the Dr. has suggested to see statistically how comon the side effects really are.

Also, maybe since she is against drug therapy ask her to provide you with some alternatives vs western medicine.

Bottom line is with Autism he needs medical attentino and not providing that is in some form neglect.

Oh, my SIL doesn't belive in vacinations because of autism. She was forced to agree to some of them by her son's father because she was just being stubborn and there were alternatives that didn't have the same ingredients.

Good Luck