Never, ever go against a court order!! That's pretty much all there is to it. If she doesn't like..TOUGH!!

its not your issue, she has to abide by the court order, whats considered reasonable is up too you.

BUT

by the sound of it its just a one time thing only, is the bother for to get your child returned too you so bad? is it you just do not want to be considerate of the other parent?

If she is in the habit of doing this kind of thing then yes she needs to learn to abide by the rules, but otherwise what kind of model are you wanting to be for the child? if the other parent is indeed in pain and you are not caring if nor being vindictive then the child may see this and view you as the mean person because the child will most likely love both parents and not want to see the other in pain, not to mention you would show the child they are worth the extra effort.

its all up too you..

the only thing you have to do is follow the court order and force the other parent to do the same.

just remember your going to have to deal with this person for years, you be inconsiderate now then later I am sure she will return the favor.

Just keep in mind one thing first and foremost, the child comes first. their needs and feelings and outlook on life and how they feel about both parents.

and yes, some bones take even longer then 3 months to heal, hip and collar bones especially.
but other bones no not even that long unless the person is vary old or has some kind of marrow healing problems or some kind of bleeder..

Well, for example, my orders state that we can make any arrangements we want, but if we can't agree, we have to go by the orders.

I would say, if you can't agree on the meeting place, go by the orders. BUT I am all for being considerate and accomodating because you never know when you might need a favor. Have you considered asking BM to reimburse you for the expense of the overnight and gas?

Medical problems aside, I think 3 months is plenty of time for BM to find another responsible adult to take the child to the court ordered meeting place for her.

I would say this situation is a judgment call. Consider all the factors, including what example you would be for the child, then make a informed decision and not an emotional one :)

Very good points.
In all honesty, part of my frustration is because the parenting plan isn't being followed. It never is. Every visit there is some sort of issue that ends up being a bickering debate. Thanksgiving 07 we drove to Portland to get the kids because she wouldn't meet and then met her in Coeur d'Alene to exchange them back. Christmas 07, we agreed to fly the kids and we bought tickets (and a round for DH so he could fly with the kids the 1st time). She didn't like that we bought them without talking to her (even though we went by the day on the plan) she refused to put them on the plane unless we met her in Coeur d'Alene. Last summer, she refused to meet because at the time she didn't want us to know she was pregnant. We ended up flying the kids. This Christmas, the weather was bad so we had to get plane tickets. She wouldn't put them on the plane on Wedesday tickets would have saved $150.00, but she was being a PIA.

We are constantly having to jump through hoops for her. I realize that if we continue to jump through her hoops that it would be easier on the kids because then she wouldn't have anything to complain about, but by doing so we are willingly null and voiding the parenting plan. We are also allowing her to control our lives.

DH volunatrily increased his child support. He told her that he wouldn't be able to do the extra stuff anymore which includes extra hotel rooms and extra driving ($547-$713).

Oh, and driving up Friday night would require my DH to be up for nearly 24 hours. He gets up at 3:50 AM for work. I wouldn't be able to pick him up from my work until 6 PM. That would put us into ID at 2 AM their time or 3AM ours. Not safe.

Co-operate when you can and find it reasonable. Fall back on the court order when you can't.

Asking for out-of-pocket expenses is reasonable and will probably result in her reverting back to the original plan.

I always say if you continue to let her slip by following the court order then she knows she can get you to do whatever she wants. My hubby's ex is spose to follow visitation guidelines per what the court order says and we have bent over backwards to be nice and made some accomadations for her. Now she thinks she has the right to keep my stepson an extra day without asking or refuse to drop him off because it suits her. She has gone as far now as to get a part time job to where she is working nights on our weekends so we have to be the ones to pick up and drop off when it is actually spose to alternate where we pick up on friday and she picks up on sunday. I say and will continue to say do not stray from court orders.

Well, if I didn't know so much about this lady already & assumed she was a decent person, I would say this:

Considering how inconvenient this would be for you - adding extra expenses, extra time, extra travel, I would say follow the court order. If it was such a big deal to her, maybe she could offer to help pay for those extra expenses, etc..,

If she cannot do her part then she needs to find someone else to do it for her. If its that serious, being that it is in March she might be able to get an emergency hearing to make this one time change - but again, if its a big deal for her then she can offer you all some type of assistance for going out of your way.

Be careful of others' advice here - I know you are not dealing with a kind hearted person or one who has ever been civil or cared how the kids are affected by the cruel things she has done.

My rule of thumb - when people are being nasty, stick with the court order until they learn how to behave.

SSBM did offer to pay for the gas and 1/2 a hotel room. If we did what she was asking it would require us to get 2 and possibly 3 hotel rooms. Between both trips it would add an extra 160 miles to our drive for both exchanges.

The problem with the money is that we have nearly $1600 worth of medical bills for the kids that she has not paid 1 cent on. Her portion is about $14 shy of $800. She is aware of all the dr. visits and knows where and who the kids saw. She hasn't made any attempt to pay any of the expenses. Her paying extra for gas or a hotel is not possible.

I also have a hard time considering her request and asking DH to because of her ugly attitude on a regular basis. She is continually accusing me of trying to "replace" her or pretending to be her. Most recently because after the kids' flight back after Christmas was canceled for the 2nd time. The 1st time she voluntarily changed the flight. It made it there on time. Anyway, I made the changes because DH was at the airport with the kids and had been there for 4 hours. They were ready to leave especially since they weren't flying back. She should have been on the road to pick them up and I was available. I knew the flight was canceled before either of them and told DH. He had asked me to contact the airlines earlier because of the delays. I have his permission to make arrangements for the kids...sorry...in a nut shell, I didn't identify myself when I called and the airline didn't ask. They were just trying to get people where they needed to go, just as I was trying to help get the kids where they needed to go. This makes me a bad person and in her mind "pretending" to be her. The sad thing is, I care for the kids, but I was ready for them to go because I was ready for a break from the drama.

I don't want her kids. My responsibility is to my husband and then as this wife I'll help as I can and as needed. I have 19 nieces and nephews (not counting by marriage) and 1 goddaughter and 2 "adopted" god children. I hope that my DH and I are able to get PG and have one of our own or adopt. I'd love to adopt, but I have no desire to "mother" his children. It isn't they are bad or don't deserve it, but it just isn't right. Even with adoption or foster care it has to be a "fit". These kids have a mom and one who loves them even if it is a sick and twisted love. She is their mom.

Sorry for the rambling. I've had a rough couple of weeks.

purplemoonie,

First off, this should be addressed in court as bm is not ever complying. Possibly you could ask for a reduction in CS as you want to be able to fly the kids for visitation with DH as bm is not complying. Or CS could be increased and she would pay for the flights or travel to and from for the kids (not sure this would work given her history).

Stick to the order as she is not being resonable. Why does DH not file contempt on her for nonpayment of medical? Address this in court and make sure to include a clause that states that bm has XX amount of days to pay her share or DH will file a contempt and bm has to pay all court costs and attorney's fees for both parties.
Not sure if I helped but.........