Complicated story (aren't they all) > My boys went with my ex in winter 2004 (I lived near Syracuse, NY and they near Buffalo, NY) per an agreement that I was to get them back summer 2007. Once they were with him, he changed his mind. We went to court and I now have physical custody of them, but we still have joint custody. Since he doesn't work (and hasn't since 2000) I have to pay him alimony and he doesn't have to pay me child support... Anyway, the boys moved here at the end of July this year and ever since my ex has been fighting at every turn. Many other stories... I haven't been able to pay him as much alimony as I have been ordered to, since day care and addition expenses are killing us. He got pissed and...

My ex called Child Protective Services on us... But more particularly on my finace. Basically the claim was that he was threatening the boys and spanking them. He has threatened the boys with punishment, as we all do, and did spank them once. The woman at Child Protective said "these things" can take up to 90 days, but she doesn't see why this would. She said that NY has no law against spanking with an open hand and the fact that we aren't married has no bearing, either. However, in order to prevent any more legalities, we've bumped our wedding up to next month.

For 2 years, the boys have visited me dirty and hungry and more... Of all I know of what happened when they were there, I never called Child Protective on him. I can't imagine what it did to the boys when they were pulled out of class to answer questions... Anyway, I plan on filing for full custody in a few months (after the wedding and when they've been here for at least 6 months, so we can have the trial here rather than Buffalo).

I've never loathed anyone before - but it's my son's father... So, I can't do anything stupid or rash. Okay... I suppose I'm looking for advice. Anything. Legal, personal, comments... I just don't know what the hell to do.