Child Support & Custody Support Group
This community is dedicated to those involved in child support and custody cases. There are a myriad of challenges involved in any case and this is a safe place to talk about what you're going through with others who may be going through the same. Join the group and seek advice, find or provide a listening ear, or just share your feelings in this support group.
I am currently with a wonderful man who has become a excellent father figure for my boys. They love him more than I have ever seen them love before. But...... he wants to adopt them when we get married. I have no problem with that and the boys don't either. However.... the SPERM DONOR is ill. He keeps asking me if my bf is gonna adopt the boys. He is pushing for it. But, since he is ill, and can be facing his own mortality soon, the boys would get his death benefits. I know that sounds so cold and cruel, but he owes my kids $25,000.00 as of now. I know for a fact I will never see a dime from him. He hasn't seen them in 2 years, nor does he call or remember birthday or holidays. Part of me wants to make sure these kids get what is rightfully theirs. I am disabled and live on a very limited income, and he knows this. he knows that his friends and family have to help me take care of the boys. maybe I am just bitter over the way he completely abandoned us, without a care in the world. We were homeless for a year thanks to him. So now, I must decide, do I wait and get that money or do I get over it, move on, and have a happy life. By the way, my 10 year old told me that even if we never see a dime from him, we will still have Steve(my BF) for a daddy. and that money is not that important!!! God Love the Children!!! So any suggestions??? Sorry I have gone on and on, very frustrating and actually pisses me off when i think about it all!!! Thanks
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
What does adoption really mean to you, your fiance and your sons? How will it change anything in your family besides your sons' eligibility for their father's death benefits?
Is this Social Security? Aren't we talking about more than a death benefit. If your ex dies before his kids are 18 don't they collect monthly until they are?
Plus I hate to throw a wrench in his plans but with a 50/50 divorce rate still in effect the the U.S. isn't there a 50/50 chance he'll end up paying you child support?
If he were asking this question I would heartily suggest he not do this. There are millions of children raised by step-fathers they adore who were never adopted by them.
But I really get upset when I hear stories where a parent is simply concerned about the money factor.
Being adopted by a step-father who truly loves them is SO much more than just a name change for a child.
It symbolizes a new beginning, a fresh start...erasing the pain and hurt of the father who abandoned them. It symbolizes the void of not having someone to call their father.
In my honest opinion, money should have NO part in your decision to allow them to be adopted or not. You've been raising them without his money for this long, why aren't you able to continue to do such?
And to give you some background info, I'm not just preaching here...I am a stepmom of 3, who together with my husband have been raising the children with zero financial support for nearly 7 years now.
Believe me when I say, if I had the option to adopt my children, I would do so without even batting an eyelash. In my case, biomom is still an active part of their lives, so that is not an option for me.
go onto Social Security website and you can see how payments are made.
Good luck andlet me know if I can help in any way. Im a paralegal
in my situation my daughter has a scum dad and yes i wish for the step parent adoption but in all the same she has my fiance who has been there for the last 6 years and she may not call him dad but he is her dad....scary but she is more like him the her bio parents. if i were to push there would be alot of hell to pay and things are quiet (bio has been mia for a year) so i do not want to rock any boats right now.
you have the money factor but in reality if you were truly for it the money factor would not be an issue. you can accomplish all the same with out the adoption.
If it is life insurance, he can designate any beneficiary he wants to. If it is SS, that is different and I know little about it.
Congrats on raising such good children. They see whats important....not the material items.