Well about two weeks ago I guess my H talked to my OM, he had IMed him telling him to stop IMing me and the OM asked him for his phone number. In the end the OM betrayed me and saved his own ass telling my H that his problem was with me not him cause I have been the one contacting him not the other way around. That he's moved on and is talking to someone else. Ever since my H told me about this, two days after it happened, I have gotten more and more depressed. Like why would the OM do this? Why couldn't he have just ignored my H's IM's? It just really hurt. But my H and I talked and I swore off anymore contact with the OM, as I've done before and broken my promises. So with reason my H was becoming more and more distant, no more 50 million calls at work or any text messages. At first it didn't phase me because of the depression I was in but then I started to notice it and it sunk in that things were going bad. He gave me his wedding ring and said he wanted me to give it back when I was ready to try 110% with integrity and honesty, no more lies. I told him to let me think, a few days later I gave it to him and told him I was dedicated to trying. That it didn't mean I was always going to want to be there or not be depressed but there would be no more contact and I was going to stay. He then looked at me and said he wasn't sure anymore. He just didn't know if he could trust me, he now needed time to think, and he didn't take his ring back. We talked for over an hour and he never got real emotional like he did every other time. And he said that scared him. This past Friday he told me he was done trying. He said he could forgive me and he has but he cannot forget, that when he's away from me he can breath and forget but when I'm there it hurts so much. He gets confused when I'm there but when we're apart he thinks that for him to move on and be happy we need to not be together. On one hand I felt relief on another deep sadness. I almost wanted to talk him out of it but was not sure if that would be right because I don't know if what I have to offer is what he deserves. I want him happy. I don't know what to do. What if it's a test to see what I'll do to stay? I don't know what is right for us.
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