Ok...here goes....I betrayed the only man I have ever really loved. I feel disgusting, I feel humiliated and awful. I feel like I may hate myself for the rest of my life. I told my husband about 3 months ago. I had a full fledged emotional and sexual affair, very awful. My husband has been away for more than half of our marriage and I have always felt very alone. I made some really awful choices and decided that I couldnt live a lie. I decided to come clean, although I am not sure I should have. I feel like I have ruined so many lives, that the truth hurt more people than it was worth. The thing is I never, ever, EVER thought I would cheat and I feel like it was someone else who did it becuase I forgot everything that has ever mattered to me. I am truly, truly sorry for what I have done. I feel like I am not a bad person I made some awful mistakes. What hurts so much though is that I feel like I will be ashamed for the rest of my life and no one will ever be able to love me again. I desperately want to save my marriage but I know I have hurt my husband beyond belief. I dont know if I will ever truly forgive myself I feel so, so ashamed and so horrible. Plus I try to search for advice and all I come up with is "cheaters are scum who should die". I don't consider myself a cheater. Yes, I cheated but that doesnt mean it is my character and that who I was at one point is going to be who I am forever. I am so deeply sorry for how much I hurt my husband and I just dont know how to forgive myself for that or how to feel like I am doomed to a life of unhappiness and being alone. NEED SUPPORT PLEASE :)
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