First and foremost I would like to say sorry for not clarifying my issue properly and it caused a whirlwind of debate I have taken advice from both sides BS and CS into consideration even if I did not like what I was getting. And I should have clarified that my H went overseas as a civilian contractor not as a soldier. That is why I got frustrated. I thought I did but I guess I didn't. That does not negate the fact that I hurt him and he doesn't know it. I am not a fighter for fighting's sake and I am not good at debate. And maybe that was part of my problem. I know that ultimately I made the decision to cheat. There is no excuse for it under any circumstance. But seriously I would have never thought I was capable of doing such a thing. When it initially happened I was scared and in shock. And under a normal circumstances cheating would not be in my vocabulary. There IS a lot more to my story than I put in to that first thread. And I'm making efforts to figure out why I let myself get into trouble like that. I started IC on Wednesday will be going once a week and he knows I am going. I am under a lot of pressure right now and If I don't get to the root of my issues, it may have the potential to get worse. And I don't want that. I was not lying or embellishing any part of my story in any way there is just so much going on. And truly I have been left to just "deal with it". He is sorry for that. He told me he was sorry. But I am still having to deal with it. I do have a lot of resentment that I need to shed from that. Bottom line is I'm trying to do what I can to fix it.
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