I dated my boyfriend for 10 years. For the last 5 years of our relationship we had no physical intimacy. We have never had a strong physical realtionship except for the first couple of years of our relationship. He was my best friend, though, and I loved him. I did not realize that I was missing physical intimacy with someone until I met the man I am currently dating. We started seeing each other last year. He was under the impression that I was single when he asked me out and I let him believe that. I was too afraid to leave my boyfriend because he had been my world for 10 years and I didn't want to hurt him. I just thought I could get to know this other guy and sort through my feelings about what I wanted to do. It turned out that I had alot in common with the other guy and we were exetremely attracted to each other on many levels. I started to have feelings that I hadn't experienced in a really long time. Before I knew it I was in a realtionship with this other guy. My boyfriend discovered my affair earlier this year and we have broken up. We have tried to remain friends, but it is becoming exetremely difficult because my ex still loves me and is incredibly hurt. We have discussed our realationship several times and he has acknowledged the mistakes he made in the relationship that pushed me away from him, such as: no physical intimacy or apparent desire for it, not being married to me after dating for 10 years, and not accepting my friends or family. I knew all of those things he didn't do hurt me, but I didn't realize that I needed them so much until someone else gave them to me. I just thought I could deal with it because I loved him. I guess I never realized that I didn't feel loved or wanted and I really needed to feel that. I still care for my ex very much and still love him, I just don't think I love him the way I used to. I care very much for the guy I am seeing, but I am still scared about making a mistake. To make things even more complicated, I still live in my ex's house (I have rented it from him for the last six years). And we have a dog that we have had for 5 years that we both love dearly. He told me I do not need to move, but he is frequently at my house because we are still trying to maintain our friendship. Most times we are fine, but there are other times when his anger, hurt and frustration boil to the surface. I don't know what to do at this point and it has been making me very depressed. I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever been through something like this. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. My ex and I are the only one's that know everything. I was too embarressed to share what I did with anyone else, even my closest friend. I feel horrible about how I did everything. I just wish I would have talked to my ex first and then did what I had to do. I made a terrible mistake and I know I can't take it back. I feel like I am a horrible person that doesn't deserve help or understanding, but I need it desperately. I feel like I am sinking alone. Can anyone help me?
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