
Cheaters Anonymous Community Group
This is a support group for cheating spouses looking for understanding and strength. Betrayed spouses are welcome to post ONLY if they can do so in a supportive manner (no bashing...these posts will be deleted), and please do not comment on 'Cheaters Only' posts.
if u don't tell can u stop the behavior?

deleted_user
My h had stopped committing adultery, but he continued acting in ways where he could have easily fallen into another affair for 2 1/2 years. It was not until he revealed the affair(s) to me and had to suffer the consequences and even worse (he says) watch what his adultery did to me, only then has he changed. My H says he would never have understood his behavior and the motives behind them until he revealed the truth. Do u think u can change your cheating ways without revealing the affair?
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If you work on your marriage, the affair must end, you have to give the marriage 100%. Things can't go back to the way they were before the affair. I believe if there weren't problems, there wouldn't be an affair.
So, with that being said, I believe you could change your cheating ways if the problems were worked on without any knowledge of the affair.
I hope that makes sense.
If you work on your marriage, the affair must end, you have to give the marriage 100%. Things can't go back to the way they were before the affair. I believe if there weren't problems, there wouldn't be an affair.
So, with that being said, I believe you could change your cheating ways if the problems were worked on without any knowledge of the affair.
I hope that makes sense.
If you work on your marriage, the affair must end, you have to give the marriage 100%. Things can't go back to the way they were before the affair. I believe if there weren't problems, there wouldn't be an affair.
So, with that being said, I believe you could change your cheating ways if the problems were worked on without any knowledge of the affair.
I hope that makes sense.
Sometimes even coming clean is for our own conscious to be wiped , so we don't have that lingering over "our" heads. Sometimes telling is not so much because of respect because respect you can show and give by learning and not doing it again. many people have told and did it over and over again , some have not told and never did it again. It all depends on your reasons for telling , but usually its all about how YOU feel about telling or not.
Quite honestly, I've only met two people on the infidelity board who were the betrayed who wished they did not know. Most of us want to know something that impacts us so. If I had cancer and my wife was the only one that knew, it takes away my right to know so that I can make decisions about my treatment. Without telling me, I will slowly die and not really know for sure why. But, she had control of the information all along. An affair is usually a cancer in the marriage that is going to kill the marriage. I'm part of the marriage. I have a right to know about the cancer so I can have input into the treatment, or if I'm just going to give up and let the cancer kill it. Still, I have a right to know. An affair affects more than one person. It's just inconceivable to me to hold back such an important thing, when the marriage is obviously dying, anyhow.
Then after, I took one month away from home and it helped, alone with kids. My husband got anger management , and I went to counseling sessions , work, school etc.. I did not want to repeat the samething. I wanted to try different approaches with myself. I did not want the same kind of marriage. I wanted to see things differently , so I did and am still doing the therapy with and without my husband. I cheated but i do not lable myself as one. I know why I did it and I do not want to resolve to those measures again unless I am divorced. You do have to get out of your own head and look for different points of view preferably before the affair, but in most of our cases we did the opposite, but I do not think i have to feel the edge of the sword for what i did every moment . I think the plan is to look for healthier alternatives. if you honestly want to look for a resolution look for help that is not only based on your judgement. he signed up for singlesnest and had a girl(s) over the house while I was gone. I just did not want to give up without trying a second time. I wanted to make a clean break together or apart. I need to know for sure I have tried everything in my power.
It seems like you feel that revealing everything should put you in the clear with your W. Doesn't she have a right to be angry? Committing adultery can't be expected to do anything but hurt a relationship and you're delusional to think otherwise. The only thing more disrespectful you can do to your W after the affairs would be to continue weaving the web of lies. When you stepped out of the marriage, you did so on your own terms. Now it's her turn to set the terms of forgiveness. She may decide that your behavior is not forgivable. Who are you at this point to say what kind of response from her is justified?