I had an affair that lasted 5 months. My OM broke it off a month and a half ago because he wanted me to focus on my marriage and he knew he was taking me away from that. As much as I respect his decision, I am also left heartbroken. I asked my H to move out so I could begin to heal myself and reclaim my self-esteem. I have joined DS, spent time in the library reading multiple books and thinking A LOT. What has my H done??? Nothing. I thought I could "fix" my marriage, but now I am not sure if I still truly love my H. When he moved back home, I had a feeling like I didn't even miss him. I have changed so much this last year, not only from the affair, but I feel I have grown into a women who finally knows what she needs from a relationship. I have communicated to my H my needs and the changes last a week and then he goes right back to the way it was. He is helping in the house more, but part of me feels like its alittle too late. I am filled with resentment and have grown bitter with our situation. It tears me apart to divorce and take away my childrens family, but at what cost do I sacrifice my happiness? I suggested counseling again, but once again my H feels we are fine and don't need it. If anything, he says I should go because I am unstable with my moods. I am tempted to separate again. I can make it on my own. I will be strong for my kids. I think my H truly loves me, he just can't show it and I am such an emotional person and need that in my life......which my OM gave me. I miss that about him. He filled a void my H left. How I do not wish this pain on anyone. I feel so dead inside and do not know where to go from here or where to start. I thought I was doing the right thing by taking time for me and reading, now I feel even more confused. Maybe I am not so strong.
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