I have been in a relationship for over 3 years with the same man and we are very close to getting engaged. We broke up once last year because he told me he wasn't ready to get engaged after months of promising me that he was. When we got back together, I forgave him for being untruthful to me, but the anger and resentment i had has not really completely gone away. Now we are very close to getting engaged (I know he bought a ring) and in the last month, I have cheated a few times (with 2 different people). One is someone i work with, and i thought I was falling for him, but the more I think about it, the more I think it is probably just a reaction to my relationship. The other was with a stranger. Last night. Now I am so full of self-loathing that I can't even recognize myself. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because i don't want him to leave me and I know for sure he would. I feel like I am a terrible person, and I don't want to be. This is the first time I've ever posted to a message board before. I'd love some support and advice from people about how to stop the self-loathing and move forward.
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