I reconnected with my first love 2,5 years ago after 32 years. The minute we saw each other again we got involved as if not a minute had passed since the last time. We started an affair although we have both been married for 25 years and have never cheated on our partner. Since day 1 we were talking about leaving our partners and being together. He said he really truly loved me all his life and would never lose me a second time. We made plans for 2 years, chatted and phoned daily as we live in different cities and met every couple of months. I was so sure of his feelings for me, and as we had been having lots of issues with my husband I moved out six months ago to wait for him. I think I might have put a lot of pressure on him as to the timing because he said he was absolutely sure he wanted to do that but the time was never right. Anyway the plan was for him to come live in my city and find a job as he has been unemployed 4 years. He told me he applied for a grant to start a new business here, but whenever I asked for details he was always very vague. We decided to do this a year ago, didn't happen, six months ago, before Christmas, etc....his father died....you get it.
A month ago, I had enough and told him he would either do it or maybe he could not go through with it at all, but I could not go on like this....What more of an opportunity could he wish for if he couldn't or would't do it? But no, he said that the easiest thing for him would be to tell me he couldn't go through with it and regret it for the rest of his lifee, that the worst thing would be he would eventually do it and find himself alone and that he could not possibly be without me, so he would tell his family and do it. He SAID he told daughter and wife and packed the car, he was leaving in the morning, we were talking about which appartment to rent, what to have for dinner once he got here.....Then next morning he said that as he was ready to leave, at the last moment daughter had a meltdoown and he could not go through with it and it would never work, he had nothing, no job, no money, this would eventually ruin everything between us.
He said it was over between us, the pressure on him was too much and he went very cold and distant, cutting off all contact.I panicked....kept calling etc, Eventually we started chatting again in the evening and phoning, but nothing like before. I usually initiate all conversations and ask for explanations and answers and he says he has none, feels overwhelmed, stressed and confused, needs space to think clearly, cannot go on etc. I told him I would give him space and not press for answers at this point, hoping he will relax and we can speak honestly.
I am afraid he has been lying somewhat, not about his feelings I think but about how commited he was to doing this. I don't know whether he though since the beginning that he would never have to do this, maybe he thought I would back off at some point and he would not be to blame....Or if he really meant all he said and had a last minute identity crisis. I only have his word for most of this, but he really seemed sincere and committed. How can somebody chat daily about detailed plans he never expects to implement? On the other hand, if he really loves me as much as he says, why would this change our relationship now? I am really so confused and I still love him to bits and need him in my life....I would really like to find out the truth of what happened....I just don't know how to handle this.