Wow, where do I start. My wife and I just had a blow up and she was telling me how much the things I did hurt her. I did my best to acknowledge and validate her feelings but in the end, I started to feel upset. After my wife had spoken her side of things, I told her that EVERYTHING I did was my fault and that I was solely responsible for my actions, no buts. So, when I wanted to move into why my behavior existed, it seemed very difficult for her to hear. I tried telling her that everyone reacts to situations differently and that my reactions may not be her reactions but that she should also hear me out. What I realized during our talk is that she only ever wants to talk about her feelings. Things do not get serious until it is her feelings. She makes no emotional investment until she is hurting. This is not just in regards to cheating, it's all things. As I began to look back over our discussions, my feelings appear to matter very little or atleast that is the way it looks on the surface. She often stonewalls and vacates a conversation when she cannot win or when things do not go her way. Sometimes she can go on not speaking for days at a time when I have done nothing wrong. If we are talking and I disagree with her and stand my ground, that can lead to her cutting me off emotionally. I now realize what my true issue is. I'm vindictive, I own that. I am also full of resentment for the way I feel I have been treated in many instances. I also seek validation from other women in order to heal an emotional wound imposed by my wife, allowed by me. I have to find a healthier way to deal with my issues, but I am starting to see that I do not care how she feels many times because she is not thinking about me and what my needs are. I do not think my wife should meet all of my emotional needs, or spend every single moment with me, but certain areas of my life belong to her. I am wrong in that my thinking has been that if she neglects me in the basic areas which are her terrain that I have a license to do what I want becausae she should know better. I know that is wrong. But after talking with her today, I realized how much she does not think about how I feel in many situations. I am not the only one that has made mistakes, but I am the only one that is forced to talk about it or truly ackowledge it. I feel that she reduces hers. While I am not trying to make my wife look bad, I feel she has done things to me and allowed things to happen to me that deserved her immediate attention and resolution and did not get either. I welcome your ffedback and thank you for listening and being here...
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