tearful...The tone of this post is much better than your other one. Thank you.
You are assuming that other people affairs are much like your husbands, but they are all so different.
No, I never felt cheated. I did not have the right to expect anything and I did not. I don't believe that the OM ever lied to me, or at least not that I ever knew. We spent lots of time together before affair that everyone knew of and most of our relationship was not about sex. I did not ever ask for 100% or expect it. (Can you ever ask for 100% of anyone?)

I did not feel cheated on. The OW and her H had separate bedrooms, weren't sexually involved with each other (more on this later). And I wasn't sexually involved with my wife.

My family was out of town the first 3 weeks of the affair. She came over to my house almost every night (I'm not bragging, just telling). We went out together on 'dates,' to an area of town where we wouldn't be known. There was a slight element of risk, but after reading about affairs I realized that the risk actually fed the affair fire.

I went to her house, too, sometimes in the day while her H was at work, sometimes at night while the H was in his own room (talk about excitement! Although thinking back, it's all pretty twisted).

We did do it in the car several times, and she didn't like it there so much. For a guy, I think that place doesn't matter so much (because we're pigs). We went to one "inn," not a cheap motel. No bugs, no filth.

But it was still stressfull, except for those times at my house when I knew we wouldn't get caught. It was a relief to be done with that life; it became too stressful to keep that life going, and of course it felt good to stop doing something that I eventually came to know wasn't right.

As for being cheated on: I later found out that she DID have sex with her H twice during the affair (I learned all this through her divorce documents). She had told me that he put verbal pressure on her to have sex with him, but that she turned him down. In the early days of her divorce proceedings she maintained the ame story in her sworn declarations. NOW, however, she admits in recent sworn statements that they had sex, but she claims she was raped (I think she's so messed up mentally that she's getting her stories mixed up to suit her purposes).

After discovering this stuff, I did feel cheated on. I felt very hurt and confused. She might have had some strange motivation to have sex with him, that I can piece together based on things she told me. She might have had sex with him so that if she got pregnant by me, she could tell her husband that the baby was his. It's all very weird, twisted and sad. And I deserve to feel cheated and confused. It was only then that I started to gain an understanding of the hurt that my wife was feeling (I had never been betrayed like that in previous relationships).

This is a long reply, but it shows that it's more complicated than cheap motels and sleaze. I wish it would have never happened, but all I can do now is make sure I do the right thing from here on out.

There are different types of OW. One's who want to be one, ones who could care less and there are ones like me who thought it would only be temporary.

Ooops, I meant to post this in Tearful's other topic.

To answer this post...I didn't feel cheated on because he made it clear that they had a sexless marriage and had separate bedrooms. Yes at the time I believed him because I trusted what he told me. I knew him several years prior and at the time I didn't think that he would lie about that.
To be honest I did feel betrayed when he moved back home. (He moved out for 2 months and asked her for a divorce). I didn't have a clue that he was planning on going back to her. Everything was going great and we were happy. He didn't show any signs or anything. There was a point where his mother told him that she didn't want me to come to the house her house (she owned the estate he was living in). I was fine with that but he asked me to park my car around the corner and he would pick me up so she wouldn't know I was there. He lived on a main street in town where everyone (including older relatives) could see who was visiting there. Looking back now he probably lied about that and didn't want his wife to see my car there. She saw it there once and asked him whose car it was and he told her. Apparently he didn't tell her that we were still seeing each other after he moved out of the family house because she left in tears. (yes I felt horrible when that happened).

"Under the spreading chestnut tree I sold you, you sold me." This is how affairs end because it's how they begin. Maybe one in a thousand ends in a new marriage that works.

{Don't know if my stats are correct but that's how it seems.}

So true Yorick....so true.