After ten years of marriage, I had an affair with my co-worker. I was convinced that my husband did not care about me. I got married at 19 and I'm presently 29 so I did not have good life experience. I had a conservative upbringing and attended catholic school as a child. I had high morals and respected my husband by all means. I'm very dedicated in my work, but one day a male co-worker moved right across from me. It was pleasant to talk to him and he showed great interest toward me by providing moral support after my close friend passed away and when my husband forgot our 10 yr anniversary. Suddenly, my co-worker seemed very attractive in a way that I could not describe and I started to miss him when he was absent; this was a mutual feeling. Our text conversations began to have sexual innuendo and we started to have lunch together. We would occasionally meet for a drink after work. All of that frequent interaction reminded me of the spark that you feel when you meet someone new; it was refreshing and exciting. It was flattering to receive nice compliments and to feel attractive and desired. This is something that was lost with my husband a while back. I was being swept off my feet. One day he offered to give me a massage at his place, (this Casanova knew exactly what he was up to, while I was still naive and could see beyond his "good intentions". My husband had been the only man in my life and I guess I was willing to explore. The day arrived and my massage therapy went more than well. He began by taking off my clothes in a very sensual way. After a few drinks, my judgment was really affected. He asked if I wanted him to go further, and I agreed. I was deeply into the mood of giving myself to someone who had appreciated me as a woman. I embraced this opportunity and it was clear that it would only be a sexual encounter and no more. We had passionate sex but surprisingly it was not fulfilling , at least not to me. I immediately felt that I should go home where I belonged. We showered, got dressed and I left his place, still a bit tipsy. We both drove away in separate cars, and at that very moment the new feeling of guilt was born. But surprisingly, I came back for more. We had a second encounter and that was the end of it. I realized that my "lover" had used me just to prove to himself that he could sleep with a forbidden woman. Soon after, I began to meet with my psychologist who strongly suggested that I should forgive myself and helped me to stay motivated to move on with my life; then I had a flashback... A few years back I suspected that my husband had cheated on me but I never had real proof, even after surveillance. I did find a phone number which appeared in his cell phone's invoice in multiple occasions and I actually spoke to the woman who was the primary suspect as my husband seemed to be very concerned about her life troubles and she looked to him for advice. I asked her to back-off and apparently she did... but I always had my doubts. Could my actions be a result of a subconscious attempt for revenge? or was it despair for my husband's loss of interest? I'm still trying to forget, but it is really hard as my co-worker sits nearby. His on-again-off-again girlfriend works in the same office and she discovered the truth about us as she was considering to get back with him. I was forced to confront her to reassure her that it was a big mistake and I had no further intentions to continue with the affair. I learned from her that he has a bad reputation and has slept with other girls in the office...This is driving me crazy, but I try to act normal by keeping my cool. I'm staying strong but I know that my co-worker's girl sees me as a threat and she has already spread rumors. I want to move on with my life and strongly desire to rebuild my marriage as I still love my husband. It's getting more complicated every day.
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