My story is long...14 years long. We had been married 26 years when the actual "sting" happened. The "bites" happened 12 years into the marriage and again at 22 years. The "bites" I am referring to are long conversations with another woman (always the same married woman)....for several months my husband called this woman on his way to work...talking 15-20 mins (I had proof)....I found out and he quit...10 years later I found out again (thinking it was another woman) but eventually he told the "truth" it was the same woman....this time our daughter found the text messages which contained "xoxoxo"....she blocked the number from her dads phone and weeks later the discovery came out AGAIN....(he swears NO sexually contact) this time we seek counseling.....I thought we had fixed a few things but 10 mths into counseling we quit going and the marriage conflicts returned. Its hard to focus on a marrage and being nice to your wife when your mind is "somewhere" else. The confilcts Im referring to are the same as everyone elses....money, mortgage, children, household chores and of course "sex". Well if you are going to disrepect me by talking in an angry voice and not help with chores, or the kids then hell no there's nothing left when I get to bed.
So a few years pass and we continue to "do our own thing"....always making the appearance of a well adjusted family and marriage. Then on Thanksgiving 2015 a man shows up at our door to confront my husband....why has my husband called his wife 150 times?....when I asked his wifes name I informed him the relationship has been going on for 14 years! Yes...it was her again! This time there was sex involved.....in her house and in Our house! And when they couldnt meet for full sex well they would just get each other off in their vehicles. (this info came from the other husband as she finally confessed) I just get sick writing this....oh and I want to mention I have spoken to this woman throughout the 14 years and told her to quit talking to my husband.....quit answering his calls and quit calling him....but her husband works on the road and is gone for weeks at a time (which I recently found out)......poor little desparate lonely house wife. He works his tail off to provide for her their 3 kids.....while I work 40 hrs week as welll as my husband providing for our 3 kids. Yet they both seem to have time to console each other.
Well this discovery was 18mths ago....everyone knows the truth now...except her family. While me and our kids (and some family members) have suffered through the ups and downs my husband has been putting us through emotionally ( you know....cheating on is wife and family - lying to everyone as to his whereabouts).....she and her husband kept it private....
We have been to counseling since Nov 2015....sometimes 2x's a week....most of the time individual counseling and some together. The discovery.....my husbands lack of communication and committment in our marriage! (hah go figure) This is what SUCKS....I love my husband (the one I married)...I think of our 3 years dating....they were magical.....we built 2 homes and have 3 beautiful children. Things when down hill after he began secretly talking to the SLUT....I would ask all the time "what is wrong"....nothing....nothing. Well now I know. We have come a long way from Thanksgiving 2015 when I was filling for divorce. BUT I cant get over it.....I cant get over the fact the she & he fucked with mine & our kids lives for 14 years. He was like living with an emotional rollercoster. When I've talked to our kids about it (all young adults), they just dont want to think about it and the decision to stay is up to me.
I honestly dont know if I can get past this....funny thing is he treats me WAY better than he use to. Yes, he's appoligized...he loves me (now), and after some months of couseling there's no more yelling or agressive speaking (he finally gets it). He calls me every day (you know....like he use to call her).....although I need to do most of the talking. And the whole sex thing....well its changed....now he turns me down (which is deflating)....so then I do the comparing game.
I have one thing that I want to do, which has been on my mind for over a year. I want to write an anonymous letter to the members of "her" family (mom/dad/sister/brother/etc) and tell them her dirty little secret. I have written this letter 10 times over already and when the timing is right Im going to show up in her life.....just like she kept showing up in mine.
I just cant let her get away with helping to destroy my marriage and my children's happy childhood without damaging hers.
I feel stupid for continuing in this marriage because of so many lies; I cant get out of my mind what my husband did and even if I divorced him it would probably never leave my mind. So right now I stay; we sold our home which was devasating to our kids but most were ready to leave the nest. I could not stay in it any longer....I practically destroyed everything that was in the livingroom which is where they had sex. (2 times).
Your thoughts....good or bad are welcomed. The counselor and books Ive read say marriages that make it though this turn out stronger than ever. I seem to be getting weaker, while he just wants to act like nothing ever happen.