I feel like a bad person for some of my actions, but at the same time I feel like a good person who has made some bad choices. I have cheated on my husband multiple times, for significant lengths of time, with several people. He doesn't know about EVERYONE, but he knows about all but 2. He has forgiven me everytime. I think he's afraid to be alone and so am I. Our marriage is miserable. He's a good guy, but he was emotionally dead before I ever got to him...his whole family is that way. I am a very passionate, outspoken person and he is a lump. I'm not trying to put all the blame on him for the things I've done, but I don't feel it is fair for ME to take all the blame either. He is just as guilty for the misery in this marriage, if not more, than I am. How come I am the bad guy just because I stepped out to get some affection and conversation and fun that I don't get at home. I'm so lonely. My husband and I can sit alone in a room for hours and not say a single word to eachother. He doesn't and never has anything to say. I feel that he has sucked the life out of me with his inaction and inability to interact like a normal person. I was fun and happy before I got with him. I also want to make clear that the affairs were NOT all about sex, it was about interaction with people on my wave length AND affection (not just physical affection). So, am I a horrible person or shouldn't he take some responsibility also?
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