Tues . morning I had my follow-up appointment from my surgery for the cervical cancer. Never ever in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would hear these words. I'm just shocked. Let me back up - when I had the cancer b4 when I was much younger I had treatments and eventually surgery and the doc pretty much guaranteed that would take care of it. I was 100% confident she'd say all is well this time, too. I had faith and hope,etc. I know other ppl are praying for me as well. Never a doubt in my mind.

My doc was acting weird and then she says I'm afraid to even tell you this b/c I know how hard it was to get you to go thru with the surgery this time , BUT, the lesions spread and we're gonna have to do the surgery again - right away. There's just not even words to describe hearing those words. I did not have the strength to get thru it this time.

My 1 friend said well, it's good you're getting it over with and now you can enjoy the holidays and be done with at least one trauma in your life. BUT NO - that's the point NOTHING is EVER over with me. IT NEVER ENDS. I do what's right, get it taken care of, and nada.

I went out to my car and bawled my eyes out for a long time. It was awful.

I just can't handle this. I don't even have the words to describe it. I've had endometriosis since my teens - which is enough in itself. Pain, heavy and irregular bleeding, tiredness,etc. Then, I had the cancer. Then, I had tumors and cysts on my ovaries = more surgeries. Then, there was the miscarriage. I've had surgery after surgery during all this. Still, I have the endometriosis. And now, the cancer AGAIN = another surgery and NOW it's still there. I can't do it anymore. I just can't. My entire adult life my physical health has not been good. It NEVER ends.

It's just been my whole life of crisis. I don't really have help or support. Up until now I haven't complained. I just keep on going. But, I've had it now. Enough!