Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...
My dad is attempting to give 30K to my nephew for a new truck. My nephew has no job and needs to do a stint in rehab. His mother pays his bills including the one to his dealer. He doesn't come up to even visit grandpa let alone help out. There is a 20K trust fund for him but he has to be 25 or in school. Today we meet with the lawyer to discuss this and I have reached a very hard decision concerning it all. I will be walking out if this happens. I have given up my life basically to care for dad, my daughter has no life besides running errands for me (for dad) and going to school yet we have to account for every dime we spend and my daughter is forced to pay back every loan she takes from him for school related expenditures. I don't get it, I don't understand it and there is no way in hell I am gonna sit here and allow it to happen. If I leave my brother will put him in a home thats a guarantee. Do I want him in a home? No not really but I refuse to be his doormat or even worse to let my kid be. I have bent over backward to accomadate him since mom died. I have given up my life in St Louis except for 1-2 weeks every 2 months when I go home to go to the doctors and pick up meds. I pay for the ticket home and back (tho this time I insisted on being reemburrsed(sp?). He argues with me every chance he gets, its his way or no way. If my kid doesnt show up to do as he wants he then pouts and complains all day but its fine that my no good brother only comes round every 2-3 weeks. My brother tells the lawyer that he will do certain stuff to lighten my load and does this stuff ever get done? Hell fucking no and in the end I am left to do it anyways. As much as it would pain me to walk out I have decided that if my hand is forced this afternoon my bags will be packed and let the chips fall where they may. And once again I have HUGE guilt over this.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I know how you feel, my sister weaseled 30,000 out
Of my dad last year and kept it a secret. My dad came to live with me and asked me to help him find out what happened to all his money. So I got the years statements and everything was for my sisters expences. She would lie to the family and say that she was supporting him so we all felt sorry for her and sent money. My mom gave her 20,000 over the last year. My mom is truly heart broken when she found all this out. My sister told all of us that she wasnt even on the account and couldnt write check. But low and behold when I got that years worth of statements, there was her signature on several checks.
But it is a little different in my case; my dad is pretty messed up.(alcohol dementia)
And he will give a person anything at this stage.
My dad doesnt pay for anything living with me. I would feel like he would think I was using him like my sister. So we pay for all his needs. Luckily money isnt a problem for my husband and I.(knock on wood)
It makes me crazy, my dad has totally forgotten what my sister has done to him. And he cant remember that he hasnt seen her in 10 months. Or that she hasnt called in about 8 months. But I just let it go and make him think that he has talked to her recently. I would hate for him to really know what a * * * * * she is. It took me a while, because I despise what she has done, but I really feel that it was a test to my character.
And I passed the test. It toke me a long time, but I finally realized this wasnt about my sister and I. But about my dads last memories on this earth to be as HAPPY as I can make them be.
I know that at times you dont think so. But trust me, your dad knows that you are the one he can count on. He is most likely embarrassed that he needs help. I have just realized this with my own father. And instead of him saying that he needs you he makes up stuff or complains. Buts its most likely, he just wants to have you around. And doesnt know how to say it..
GOOD LUCK.This will make you stronger.