Sometimes I scream, sometimes I eat, sometimes I bang on this keyboard, other times I say yes God you give me strength and grace to do this, which is what I should do and say first.

You know what the hard part is now? It's mom not remembering things.. And to be honest I miss her thanking me for doing things. I know it is some dementia and I can reason that.. But it hurts and I feel like a slave.. love D

I know, me too. Then when they get angry because you are trying to help them and make life better for them, why are we bothering them! It has taken months to adjust to it all, not sure if I have, there are moments that I can't believe this is mom, but, it is, and so I continue in the routine of caregiving.

YES! I try to control myself, but if I can't I make sure she is in a safe place and then I go in my bedroom, close the door and get it out! And, I hear ya D, it is so hard not to feel appreciated! I have to tell myself how much I appreciate all the work I do.

I would not use the word uptight to describe myself during this time but I know what you are talking about.

Just last week I did just that - screamed like I was being murdered three times (something I have never done)!

I won't be doing that again for I lost my voice completely. My latest is something my father has been doing a lot of and that's reciting a nursery rhymes and singing little ditties. He's coming up with them a lot and at unexpected times.

So, the last time this happened (this past Saturday) and I began to feel my blood pressure rise, I verbalized these words:

One, two buckle my shoe
Three, four shut the door
Five, six, pick up sticks
Seven, Eight, don't be late
Nine, Ten, start over again.

For the few seconds it took me to say these words, it was just the time I needed to start over again AND my voice is intact! LOL

Cowtown.....Laughing my arss off,, THANKS Holy cow.. jack be nibble jack be quick jack jump over the candle stick... Your my best friends,, I feel better all ready.. love D

I wrote this on one of the other osts. Years ago,
ann Landers sugested this in her column. "Go into the bathroom, make a knot in a large bath towel, beat hell out of the shower wall". Over the many years since I read this I have did it more times than I could count. Sure beats yelling or getting into an unwinable argument.

I find myself saying "Thank you Lord for answering my prayers and giving me the patience I prayed for. I'm back now and praying that you will increase my previous request by 10,000."
Then I smile and pretend whatever it was never happened.
Some days it would take a saint to deal with the pressure of caring. We are caregiving for our treasured and cherished family member(s) and it is the hardest job on the planet!