Some days, I just get so frustrated and tired of caregiving, then I beat myself up for feeling that way. I get angry and then feel bad about that too. I keep trying to remember; this is my mother, she changed my diapers, so now I'm going to change her; I was hard-headed, so now she can't help that this disease is making her that way; She would talk to me, and I would shut her out, so now she shuts me out - not deliberately, but due to this sickness; I couldn't do many things I wanted, so now that hasn't changed much. I mean, some days, that 15 lb. potty chair bucket gets heavy and I feel like I may dump it on the way to the bathroom, or I talk and I talk and I talk to her, and she glares at the television and I'm not in the room. She snaps at me over nothing, or she hurts my son's feelings, and it's not her, it's just not her. I have to remind myself it's this d*** illness making her this way. It's taking her life force, she's just a shell of who she was. I'm sorry, I'm just dealing with a lot of negative feelings at the moment and needed to say this.
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