
Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...

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Did anybody watch Oprah today? The topic was how we as women can learn to put ourselves first. Her life skills coach Dr. Beck (who writes a monthly column for O! Magazine) really struck a chord when she stated that the majority do more giving than receiving and that the root of this is low self-esteem. I was actually in tears at one point when I admitted to myself that I don't feel valued. It also dawned on me that I've had a history of practically choosing relationships where I knew I would be the giver thinking that I would somehow find value but instead I only ended up feeling used and worn out. Can I get a witness here?
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I didn't see that show but I went to Oprah's site & started reading Dr. Beck's site. Yes, I agree. I do the same thing, give and give to fill my self esteem. Asking for help is hard for me, receiving is hard, I want to be on the offensive, always giving so I don't have to look inside. I get worn out too. Wonder if people really like me. Not taking the time to relax and just be me. I will try now. Thanks for sharing I will keep on reading this is very good stuff. Sandi
I saw parts of that but didn't see the part about low self esteem. how interesting!
I didn't really think I had low self esteem until I got lupus and now, for various reasons, it is in the toilet.
I call myself the annoyingly helpful invisible maid/janitor/chaffeur/cook. I always tend to feel that while I'm helping others, they are irritated with me. It is so weird. I dont' think I'm imagining it either. I'll go all out helping someone to the point I feel way too exhausted and then they will complain about some little detail and not notice the 57.5 hours I put into the totally voluntary project.
I don't give help for the thank you and usually enjoy it while I'm doing it, but when I'm criticized or treated less than a member of the family, it really hurts.
Or, I'll cook a nice large holiday meal from scratch and enjoy doing it but feel too exhausted from it for my own good and then have the guests say "what, no rolls??"
I just can't wrap my head around how my life got to be this way.
I started seeing a counselor b/c I thought my head might just explode from this problem and in the end, I felt like she was too hard on me -- criticism without compassion. I can handle constructive criticism but she was like a drill seargent. I felt like I couldn't be open with her at all.
I guess I need to check out this reading material!
The messages I was given as a child have doomed me to the damnation of low self esteem.
I asked my own father once.. and he was the one that loved me for sure.. I asked, "Why is my nickname Dolly?" I was so excited to know why it came about! My brother and sister had such cute stories behind their nicknames!
He said.. and I quote here..
"Because a dolly is a play thing without any brains!"
I have spent my life trying to forget the horror of his words.
Anyway, I am praying this week about that very issue of how we see ourselves in our humanness.
I'm praying that God help me see myself as HE wants me to.
Often, all I can see are my mistakes or times when I was misunderstood and judged based upon false information.
That does not add up to me. That does not define me.
I grew up in a very critical environment and I'm working on overcoming the effects. God has helped me evolve a lot but I still have a lot of work to do!
Like what you said, I just told DH last night that just because I am trying to change myself and my own image and not be invisible anymore, doesn't mean others around me are on the same page.
Last night FIL stopped by for a visit before DH came home. I had the same conversations with FIL that DH did (later) and FIL's answers were completely different. His responses to me were sort of authoritative, snippy and like he saw me as below him, and telling me how to plant tomatoes like I'm an idiot who can't follow directions.
His answers to his son were all meek and servant-like "gee, I didn't know that" or I've never planted a tomato in my life, what do you recommend son?"
DH and I giggled about it later. I am trying not to let it get under my skin, which is a big achievement for me.