
Caregivers Support Group
A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...

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I am so tired of having my feelings hurt by my mother.
This morning our conflict was over the money I am holding on for her until the middle of the month. She has already spend one thousand dollars of her money this month at the CASINO. I don't get it. She got very hateful and beligerant with me. If I didnt hold on to some of her money, she would be broke right now until the third of next month, with no groceries in the house.
She constantly belittles me, is rude to me and is very very cruel.
When my brother died five years ago, she told me that she wished it could have been one of her daughters, as she has three, and she only had one son. How could she say something so cruel???
This morning our conflict was over the money I am holding on for her until the middle of the month. She has already spend one thousand dollars of her money this month at the CASINO. I don't get it. She got very hateful and beligerant with me. If I didnt hold on to some of her money, she would be broke right now until the third of next month, with no groceries in the house.
She constantly belittles me, is rude to me and is very very cruel.
When my brother died five years ago, she told me that she wished it could have been one of her daughters, as she has three, and she only had one son. How could she say something so cruel???
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When my dad passed away in March of last year, thats when everything awful with her financial well being started happeneing. Her home got foreclosed on as a result of her not paying her bills, etc etc. She moved in with me for a spell in August, which didn't work out at all. She was way too bossy, let alone she brought all five of her dirty animals with her. I am an animal lover, but she let them go on the floor for years, and I don't allow that kind of behavior in my house. She has an apartment about two blocks away from me. When she gets her SS and her pension each month, I go with her to pay necessary bills, rent, consumers energy, cable, etc. With what is left over,it goes to her,with the exception of the hundred and fifty I hold on to until the 15th. Here it is, only the 6th and she is down to her last 150??
I read the book "Boundaries" and it really help me set some boundaries with those we care for, as in, I will put up with _________, but I will not put up with ______________. for me, it's grouchyness but not lying. And you can tell mean old mom that "I'm setting a boundary with you. I can't accept you saying ___________ or doing _____________ and then give her a consequence just like our kids = )
sorry for what you are going thru. I hope this helps somehow.
Is this an online casino? If she actually physically attends casinos, then why does she need a caretaker? Unless she is has mental problems which sounds like is a strong possibility. No one in their right mind would permit animals to go in their home. Now she is in YOUR home and that is even worse.
Bottomline, I would not put up with the cruelty and insults she is leveling at you. She does this to maintain control over you and her own wishes and she has obviously gotten away with this behavior for a long enough time (years?) for her to know that it works for her so she continues this behavior.
If I were you, I'd get professional advice. I've had to do this myself because this kind of manipulation just tears at you and friends don't want any part of it, and as in my case, other family members say, "It's not my problem" and wash their hands of the situation because they don't want to deal with it even though it is equally their responsibility.
Do you get any help from your sisters?
And lastly, about her saying that about rather losing a daughter, your mother sounds as if she is mentally ill. No rational person would EVER say such a thing. My (very) ex-husband's mother was schizophrenic and she said things very similar to that all the time and I had little to do with her after fully realizing how sick and cruel and manipulative she was and also very unwilling to get any help for her mental illness. She would rather abuse others than to get help. That was unacceptable to me. My marriage lasted less than a year because he was also cruel and stuck up for her horrible behavior.
My point is that good people cannot tolerate this kind of treatment without ramifications on their own mental state and health. You are in an unbearable situation. You need help. The folks on here are great and may give you the strength you need to do make things better for yourself because you deserve much better than this.
Best,
Cheryl
Cheryl